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on Taffy by knickytoy
24 Sep 2002, 7:54 AM
especially when it sticks to one's teeth. ah, the sweetness of sugared wishes. maybe lose the 'in' in line 2? welcome to the site, knickytoy. i know yer going to like it here.
I like it 7.
Very Nice. (My pocket money is always low!)
Interesting view 7.
I usually take against archaisms, but 'thy urn' works a treat. This is epic yet domestic. Ace.
L12 & 13 could be a poem on there own, Good. the last 2 lines are over used. I think the poem would do better without them.
Hi Christof!you try to pierce into my psyche!I was inspired to write "a man of the world",when I recalled H.G.Wells'"A door in the wall".have you read that?one of the best short stories I've ever read.(of course the Priest and the ring was my own invention!)-A 10 for your poem!
I wish I could lounge at the typewriter all day..some of us poor bastards have to work you know...you don't know how lucky you are...Well maybe you do. This is super. Top stuff.
A great show of emotions here... and I hope that you don't listen to some of the crude critics of this site katie. I'm sure that you're mother would be proud of you... Good job! :o)
I tire of pain and misery so I read pieces too fast. I missed the (he) and therefore missed the triangle. But a fascinating view!8
I have to admit I've never seen bees doing that either, so I was a bit put off by the last line. Also the first line strikes me as too easily strange - I sort of gathered you're not a fish - or is this some kind of astrological reference I don't get? I am a dense boy, I'm sorry. The rest of this I love, especially the second stanza when the realization of the horrible truth brings down your love of sea and earth, but in the lightest way possible.
Is the writer high on something? Or are they wishing they were elsewhere.Either way good.9
Not too bad, but there's too much mixing of old and new style's, or something. Don't know what I'm talking about....
What an interesting discussion. I din't think it's impossible to write a poetry of internal discussion and bald statement as opposed to simile - GK CHesterton said that metaphor and simile were the antithesis of poetry, and the whole of Wordsworth's 15000 line 'Prelude' is a discussion with the self. However, it is difficult to write something so self-revealing and to make it really speak to others. It does require an absolutely iron grip on language.
it's over between us, i've told you a hundred times! now would you get over here and get all your clothes out of my closet! (i know you cheated on my with that guy in Texas, too!)
This is adorable. I don't understand the lack of triumph at the end.