PawnedTidal
on Her Light by wunboi
8 Sep 2002, 8:55 AM
I like.
Very well written. 8/10
lol! nice poem. uric will save you! drink. bleat. 8/10!
Short and simple, but oh so sweet! 8
Sorry, in the chatter with DA. Emo as in excessively emotive while trying to be edgy.
A read this very slowly and carefully. I still don't understand it, I enjoyed it quite a bit. The sudden appearance and disappearance of the Dr. bothers me, but that's because I'm old, and I like structure.
Is that a technical term? Is it related to 'emo' music (i.e. 'cheerful' music with 'unhappy' lyrics)?
i thought the person in the nighti was usually the one that got fucked, perchance you strap it on for extra credit? change all the "i"s to young republican headed corporations, then go fuck yourself. and your boyfriend too. boo. 7/10!
wow! obtuse paradigm...trencherman
the flow of the poem could use a lot of work, as well as the imagery. agreement with the show/don't tell comment... though honestly I could see this as a top ten country song (I don't like country).
Oranges! Fresh Oranges! A paand a paand!
Hold it there, Sir! You are under arrest, for not selling your merchandise in kilograms.
Look, I have to side with Dark_Angel on this one. There's a fine line between kidding around and being downright insulting, and you haven't quite got the balance right. Better luck Next Time!
I don't understand what this has to do with your title. There seems to be no meaning here. Or is that the point?
I have read some of you other poems, but they hoonestly did not impress. This, on the other hand, is quite intreging. I like being made unconfortable by artists. this does the trick. The actual writing is awkward in several places. The 1st line of the 2nd stanza for example. I am particularly fond of the final stanza.
Bachus
on Mean Matt was so mean, when a homeless guy asked him for change he gave him a -blank- by beakism
8 Sep 2002, 9:16 AM
if i had a 4 inch penis with no mushroom helmet...i would be a little resentful too, but hate is such a strong word...try ,..'i hoof you' i hoof you so much, i through a shoe! nice beak.....nice poi...your diversity has me at ammends..
This is much more a statement than a poem. You strike me as someone attempting to be arty and intelligent, but sadly lack the necessary brains to do so. Have a 1.
nentwined
on Mean Matt was so mean, when a homeless guy asked him for change he gave him a -blank- by beakism
8 Sep 2002, 2:55 AM
I see. So basically you were anally raped? or is that a rocketship?
line five, I think what you actually mean is 'as we lie'.
lie (lying; lay; lain) : to be or to stay at rest in a horizontal position; rest, recline...
lay (laid) : to put or set down.
speak is in the present tense, so apparently you and your friend are laying eggs while you speak tenderly.
poem rhythm/flow/cliche could use some work.