line 4 - vowed to see its' end, and took vows to see its' end, and vowed to see it's end..'it' and 'it's' is a little too much line 5 - drop the red, blood holds the colour you need Very poignant :)

I do love a good vent/rant...whether at a person or an ideal stage we strive to achieve... and I do like this there are a few places I would tighten up a little, give more oomph to the structure. for instance... I used to think life would make sense - one day all my efforts would pay off and all my terror - end and I'd coast for a little while I thought, if I kept fighting kept holding on I would make it that I would leave it all behind

Agree with INTRANSIT...the first half needs trimming and shorter lines, defining breaks with lines rather than commas. I don't enjoy too many directions when I read, so it could just be me. :)

I like it a lot. Would scratch the parentheses and the colon though.

The last verse is quite good I think. It's the summation of most complaints. But we all know that "just and even" never happens.

Scratch the "and" in Verse 1. I like "quarterback of the linear team." Space after the comma in Verse 3. Last line is provocative.

I wish I could understand this, but the language is out of my reach. :(

Nicely portrayed - the one-way relationship, never to be relayed any other way.

It has a good rhythm and a good subtle message. Would be nice if the Word 2 pattern continued: little, quiet, secret, . . . rain/sane rhyme seems a bit forced. Verse 2 is my favorite. The last line is disappointing and vague, seems unsupported.

In another edit I've condensed the opener into two lines, and the closer into two lines. Also contemplating replacing -cat- with -engine.

No smoothing! I like this with its internal rhymes, the tripping rhythm, the abrupt caesurae. Stops you getting too comfortable, just like the barmaid.

Klaxon. Great word. Could you say- boy or girl in roiling- ? Or is this a specific person. You?

pov stands for point of view, skamper.

First read. Deep, like an addict. I like that north of the Fading line, it's slow, then starts to speed up after the line. Like waking. There's good music here. Fidgets pinned- is great. Still, the first half seems a little wordy. Let some others opine before you change it though.

One change. add- to- in line 7. Uzwise.....

LLove this. Just read it over and over until you get the beat perfect.

this is too complicated for me - the structure I can't even begin to appreciate, but the lesson in nature could do with something...not sure what that could be but the last line seems text bookish, rather than poetic... can you show me where i might find other Englyn?

OH! this is weird, I like what each line and verse is saying but find the overall connection escaping me.

Line 9. sectet? dic.com couldn't find it.

rhcp rules ! I haven't read the poem. yet.