Re: An Ode To Dark Angel, Private Investigator by tolstoyleo	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	1-Jul-04/7:03 PM
Unfitting a "man" of his stature.
Re: Helo everybody is limerck time!! by DR Limerick	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	1-Jul-04/6:52 PM
heheh - not bad. Dual question marks are good there.
Re: finally i say goodbye by francis nor capule	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	1-Jul-04/6:51 PM
The repetition helps this, I think - but the theme is so often done that reader sympathy is difficult.
Re: Recycled Stardust by Quarton	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	1-Jul-04/6:54 PM
With the vocabulary and the big telling that comes from the big words this quickly becomes a tough sell.
Re: Lady Bradbury’s Excursion by Dovina	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	1-Jul-04/6:58 PM
Dovina - this is somewhat strange. it really is.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 24.52.157.176	1-Jul-04/7:53 PM
Wise advice from her mother. Easier said, setting her free.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	1-Jul-04/7:02 PM
Cute. You could have expressed the same idea with less, and the reader would thank you for it.
Re: The Missing Peace by nothingtoanyone	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	1-Jul-04/7:09 PM
This reminds me more of an outline or some notes for a poem. Should be distilled quite a bit.
Re: Recycled Stardust by Quarton	zodiac 65.161.41.48	1-Jul-04/4:13 PM
From a scientific point-of-view, every sentence in this poem is wrong. That's not the point, you say, I'm being metaphorickal, the science doesn't matter. If that is the case, your face is beautiful as a bum.
Re: Lady Bradbury’s Excursion by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 64.161.176.198	1-Jul-04/7:47 PM
I'm lucky. With my ruffles over my head, I stand to tinkle and make the wood donut even more dreadful on future other's hindquarters.
Re: Veracious Flames by Evening	Dovina 24.52.157.176	1-Jul-04/8:49 PM
It's hard to comment on something so vague, but: Shadows can be anything I want Flames a hot breath Fragments of bliss Memories remain though Evidence fade The undone haunts again Opportunity lost I carry the heavy urn Spread ashes among the young, Growing trees
Re: Lady Bradbury’s Excursion by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	2-Jul-04/3:33 AM
Absolutely splendid.
Re: When the night completes by donmiguel1960	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	2-Jul-04/5:19 AM
There's some good language in here though it comes off a little choppy'list-like. How is that fixed? Try, if you want, playing with where the lines end and your preposition use (there are lots of them in here). Flow and show?
Re: Veracious Flames by Evening	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	2-Jul-04/5:23 AM
you could almost remove the first word of every line and the thing would be better for it. I like this one.
Re: Xansis by jonnyduk	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	2-Jul-04/5:27 AM
ditto
Re: Stuck in VI by jonnyduk	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	2-Jul-04/5:28 AM
here.
Re: Poetry. by jonnyduk	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	2-Jul-04/5:29 AM
less ars, and more poetica, please.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	2-Jul-04/5:37 AM
Nice. Original angle on a near cliche. I had a small amount of trouble picturing a key chain in a wallet (rather than an individual key). Maybe consider doing thing from a purse-wielding perspective?
Re: Helo everybody is limerck time!! by DR Limerick	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	2-Jul-04/6:14 AM
You are a prize clot.
Re: An Ode To Dark Angel, Private Investigator by tolstoyleo	Bachus 24.130.62.63	1-Jul-04/3:52 PM
Evacuation harness blues.