Re: a comment on Simple by wilco	wilco 24.165.207.93	12-Feb-05/8:27 PM
thanks.
Re: Valentine's Day is Two Days Away and I Don't Feel Loved by MacFrantic	wilco 24.165.207.93	12-Feb-05/8:25 PM
Not loving the poem so much, but I like the title a lot. So, *7*.
Re: Bridesmaids in the Rain by wilco	MacFrantic 152.163.100.67	12-Feb-05/8:25 PM
so good, very nice picture. *9*
Re: Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina	wilco 24.165.207.93	12-Feb-05/8:24 PM
Reminds me of...oh, whats that thing from church...about forgiving those who trespass....I don;t know....been a long time. Anyway, I think that this was a "I need something to post poem (sorry, not trying to be mean). I just know what you're capable of and I expect more. You know I got much love for ya. ;)
Re: Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina	MacFrantic 152.163.100.67	12-Feb-05/7:45 PM
definitely needs a line that stands out. *7*
Re: CUPID by al-naafiysh	MacFrantic 152.163.100.67	12-Feb-05/7:42 PM
Man, that was such an entertaining poem! Little changes here and there-I won't be specific- and it's perfect! *10* Can you put a single stanza in your "favorites" section?
Re: Orion takes aim by oneglove	MacFrantic 152.163.100.67	12-Feb-05/7:39 PM
Oh, please get rid of L4. *7*
Re: My Angel by jroday	MacFrantic 152.163.100.67	12-Feb-05/7:38 PM
Interesting venture. The structure could use some work. *6*
Re: Kiss of a rose by backstreetdreamer	MacFrantic 152.163.100.67	12-Feb-05/7:35 PM
Why not just call it "The Name of the Rose" *5*
Re: Blood and roses. by backstreetdreamer	MacFrantic 152.163.100.67	12-Feb-05/7:34 PM
I can't believe I'm saying this, but if this had actually been a prose poem, I might have given it a higher score. And don't use "evermore" ever or more. *8*
Re: dot.com by PodPoet	MacFrantic 152.163.100.67	12-Feb-05/7:31 PM
3 dot.coms send the message. *4*
Re: Dreamtigers (Borges) by Sasha	MacFrantic 152.163.100.67	12-Feb-05/7:29 PM
Only major problem- other than the whole "prose" thing-is the large space near the end. Find some way to fix it. *7* (I automatically deduct 1 point for prose, sorry)
Re: Simple by wilco	MacFrantic 152.163.100.67	12-Feb-05/7:22 PM
wonderful, absolutely wonderful! almost a favorite. *10*
Re: dot.com by PodPoet	tadpole 24.55.116.186	12-Feb-05/11:59 AM
well it's original, but that's about it
Re: Kiss of a rose by backstreetdreamer	Dovina 12.72.5.91	12-Feb-05/8:06 AM
A lot of vague attempts at imagery here that are not developed. Some seem there only for rhyme and rhythm. The cadance is good, but I miss finding any strong point to it all.
Re: My Angel by jroday	Dovina 12.72.5.91	12-Feb-05/7:59 AM
A tender expression of love. The king James English is a nice touch, but several places, I believe the grammar is wrong. Line 1 - "doth" is spelled "doeth", but should be "do" in the plural, or just leave it out. Other lines similar. "shalt" should be "shall" after an I. "surely thou doth knowest" -> surely thou knowest "inspiring my soul to happily moan" - good line.
Re: a comment on CUPID by al-naafiysh	al-naafiysh 204.215.33.152	12-Feb-05/12:02 AM
Thank you Dovina for showing me my faults. Again thanks.
Re: Frozen by Mona Lisa	Dovina 12.72.5.202	11-Feb-05/3:38 PM
I didn't read it back in '03, but this edit is intense. I'd take the parens away from "mine" and the "a" from "ferocity," otherwise great.
Re: CUPID by al-naafiysh	Dovina 12.72.5.202	11-Feb-05/3:12 PM
Aint nothin' so good as luve! A few too many words, I think. Here's what I'd do: Line 5 - scratch "One that has" Line 6 - scratch "being on" Line 8 - scatch "within" and change "cause" to "'cause"
Re: a comment on Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.5.202	11-Feb-05/2:56 PM
Thanks jroday, you must have picked up on the “of” in the title, rather than the usual “for.”