| Re: Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina |
jroday 204.215.33.181 |
11-Feb-05/1:52 PM |
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Dovina the poem is very nice, the title explains what the poem is all about if you read it carefully.
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| Re: a comment on Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina |
Crakyamuni 131.252.230.129 |
11-Feb-05/12:45 PM |
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Yes I see now! Thankyou for the vision. I'm 8ing you for that.
It is a prayer!
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| Re: a comment on Wedding Poem by al-naafiysh |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
11-Feb-05/12:02 PM |
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Funny, how seeing it in stereo makes all the difference, like staring at two photos until your eyes finally look far enough into the distance to place them together, and the third dimension (the author) pops out.
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| Re: a comment on Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
11-Feb-05/11:56 AM |
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I read your poem and left a comment. Frankly, I would not have known it was about God if you hadn't commented here as you did.
Mine is, as you suspect, a conversation with God, or rather a prayer to God. It's low key in order to keep the tone of ordinary prayer, an understatemint.
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| Re: An intolerable rash brother by Crakyamuni |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
11-Feb-05/11:50 AM |
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Do you mean "Cortizone" the drug, which I might have misspelled?
weeped should be "wept" in this context I think.
The soul of satin, a female, who brought home the bacon causes wonderment on whether this is about Jesus, God, or your real brother. "We'll teach you to swallow" is good.
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| Re: a comment on Goodbye by Dovina |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
11-Feb-05/11:43 AM |
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Oh, it dawns on me. Thanks.
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| Re: a comment on Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina |
Crakyamuni 131.252.181.130 |
11-Feb-05/10:52 AM |
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and if I'm totally off on my assumption about your subject, tell me why.
Gracias, bonita
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| Re: Prayer of Forgiveness by Dovina |
Crakyamuni 131.252.181.130 |
11-Feb-05/10:51 AM |
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It's interesting enough to get a 7, but it's without the point of intensity, I think, underlying this beautiful subject. Is it about a (forgive this term) Conversation with God.
I created a more juvenile counterpart to this poem a few ago titled " An intolerable rash brother". I too have my bones to pick with the great "You". So I've canvased the world.
Vote on the poem I mentioned o' mine, comment on it, drain it of extraneous blabbery, pick it asunder, and get back to me. I want and value your opinion.
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| Re: a comment on Baghdad Election by Mona Lisa |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.153.196.50 |
11-Feb-05/9:50 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Baghdad Election by Mona Lisa |
Mona Lisa 172.201.116.253 |
11-Feb-05/8:55 AM |
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With your grasp of understanding race Stephen you should run for President, you'll probably be elected.
Did you watch Fahrenheit 9/11 or do you repudiate facts from that too?
PS your comment did not annoy me but your mother does for conceiving such an arrogant and conceited little twat.
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| Re: a comment on Goodbye by Dovina |
jroday 204.215.33.43 |
11-Feb-05/8:16 AM |
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Dovina the poem is very nice, and as for as al-naafiysh you know
who she is.
I wrote the poem Can't Fight No More.
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| Re: Loss by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
Caducus 172.201.116.253 |
11-Feb-05/1:40 AM |
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this is amazing, truly awesome.
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| Re: Chrystal lane swift want's me, bad. by horus8 |
Bachus 24.130.62.63 |
10-Feb-05/7:26 PM |
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If I could tolerate beaver, I'd wear yours.
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| Re: a comment on Before I met you by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*. |
Shuushin 64.222.149.21 |
10-Feb-05/5:03 PM |
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Lindsey, the thing is these can't be made better.
There are lots of ways to express these kinds of emotions, what you have is one of them, and it is more or less appropriate for these sentiments.
All I can give you are some general rules to make you poems, at this stage in your life, better:
1) show, don't tell
2) spellchek the thing
3) don't make compromises in meaning for ryhme
3) make sure you have a reason for every word you put down
3) don't waste the reader's time; give them a reason to keep reading
4) don't expect them to read it just because you wrote it
of course there's more. For now, just write as much as you can, and read more.
and do a search for dark angel's mediocrity score thing and pay some attention to it.
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| Re: a comment on Goodbye by Dovina |
Dovina 12.72.4.92 |
10-Feb-05/4:59 PM |
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I'm not physically going anywhere, nor will I probably go anywhere in lifestyle. Sometimes it's good to just put a foot in and see how the water feels.
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| Re: a comment on Before I met you by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*. |
*.*ReAdY To SnAp*.* 65.93.137.250 |
10-Feb-05/4:41 PM |
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Yeah you have Umm....WhenI put out a few poems if u thik that it wouldnt be to big of a hassle could u put how i could make them better thanks ....Lindsey....
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| Re: a comment on Suicide..... by *.*ReAdY To SnAp*.* |
*.*ReAdY To SnAp*.* 65.93.137.250 |
10-Feb-05/4:34 PM |
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Thank-you very much for ths info it really does help I have never really took thought into my poems usually they just allow me to cool off but ur adivce is good thank'you i will most likely check with you next time before i put my poem up
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| Re: The Sleep Fantastic by nentwined |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
10-Feb-05/4:32 PM |
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| Re: Suicide..... by *.*ReAdY To SnAp*.* |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
10-Feb-05/4:30 PM |
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Ok, Ready To Snap (forgive me for not going to all the trouble of putting the stars and things in):
1) Check your spelling and punctuation before you post. It makes it hard when the reader is trying to figure out if you lost your fate or your Fiat...and exactly how you lose fate in the first place.
2) When you post poetry, you're hoping that people will read and enjoy it, right? Well, when you write about how much you hate your life and want to kill yourself, people don't enjoy it. Sure, I know it helps to write and vent your feelings. I'm just saying that noone wants to read a poem about it unless it's REALLY well worded to a point where you have to think about it to figure it out (and even then, a lot of people don't).
3) Try reading some other poetry before you write. Get an idea of how to use meter and rhyme. When you force rhymes (as you did here) it makes the poem harder to follow and basically reveals the fact that you don't know what your doing. And I don't mean search for poems with suicide in the title, or read two or three...I mean really read and comprehend and learn (and just because it's on the Poemranker Best List or has a 6 or 7 rating doesn't mean it's good.)
4) People talk shit about your poetry and say mean things because that's the way it is on Poemranker. That's as simply as I can put it. If you're going to post here, get used to it. Occasionally, you'll get an honest critique, but mostly you're going to have people call you a dunce.
5) They think this poem is awful because it is. Now, before you go getting your feelings hurt, know this: Most of the poems on here are awful, my own included. That's why we're posting them here instead of making money having them published.
Maybe you'll take this and work on your writing and actually get tobe good. I hope you do. Or, maybe you'll say I'm an idiot and I'm mean and just go on posting rambling poems that get lost in the shuffle as most people do. Either way, good luck.
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| Re: Goodbye by Dovina |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
10-Feb-05/4:10 PM |
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So, is this about something else, or are you leaving again? Nice poem, btw.
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