Dovina
on Grandma's Prayer/Lord Reply by jroday
6 Nov 2004, 6:58 AM
"As the persecuted Me, so they will persecute you."
It takes more than that to snap this trigger. Besides, your queen would prefer a paradelle to a pummeling, whereas I find them about the same.
I’ll say it one more time, please listen. It does seem a tad short, but you’d not like the outcome of a longer version.
I always love birds in poetry. The madness they suggest, the wings, the beaks, the smears they leave on your pole.
bullshit aside, I really loved the last stanza, brake the stare is a bit cutesy, but doesn't really detract, for me anyway...and i think grinding line could be clearer or simpler or something but am without suggestions.
i don't like atop in the first. why not just on.
in the second, probes my poll....probes is a suggests something more intrusive than what is actuall going on, though that is not really a problem if that is what you mean...the bird is intruding, perhaps? Keep your pole to yourself.
the third is nice with the repetition, but "friend" seems... i don't know. if it were my poem, i would let the reader decide for him or herself whether the bird was friend, foe or other.
If you don't own a blacklight and at least one blacklight poster, I will eat my shmaagh.
Hey, snappy comeback! And in only nine minutes! Guess you showed me!!
PS-Your poem is chock-full of grammatickal and other errors.
PPS-Oh God! I'm doing it again...
Should be categorized "Barely Veiled Rant about Getting Your Poems Trashed on Poemranker". I'll be writing nentwined to have such a category created and all backlogged poems in this vein belatedly entered in it. You can be our queen.
no more weird I suppose then your wife staring back, right my wise friend?
Still the best poem ever.
This poem exactly reminds me that there's a turd (now vomit covered) which has been living in my Turkish toilet the last month and a half. It floats and has a few recognizable features. Kind of like Neil Simon.
The middle verse is overstated and a little poetick. The rest is pretty good.
True story: This retard boy in our neighborhood followed my wife home from work last week and, right as she got to the house, abruptly tried to fist her through the seat of her pants. Naturally, we called our jaha, which called their jaha, and everybody had to go out to the police office the next day for a nice little sitdown together. Inappropriate attempted fisting is, by the way, a high crime here. The sick part is that even in the police station, confronted with something like 15 years in prison and the ruination of his, his family's, and all descendants of his family's reputation into eternity, he SERIOUSLY couldn't stop himself from staring kind of blankly and freakishly at my wife. His father, too. The police started to knock them around a little, you know, scare them some, and they were crying and apologizing and STILL staring at her. That's kind of weird, huh?
I heard someone say this once tonight already but I think it bears repeating. "It seems a tad short. Any chance you might stretch it a bit?"
If you were a god, which of the following would you be?
a) Just like yourself now, only with invisibility and creating-matter-from-nothing superpowers;
b) Have invisibility and matter-creating powers, plus a +50 Cloak of Perfection (ie, also perfect);
c) It's all the same thing, since if you were God whatever you thought or did would have to be by definition perfect - kind of like the reality (but not the idea) of Papal infallibility probably is.
hello again. :)
The lawn christ I did beard with a few
gems that were browne as poo poo
They shone like his eyes
He, to no ones surprise,
looked and smelled like a rich migrant jew
elitists needs an apostrophe.
split wine?
There's your daggered words.
The only thing that will come back to haunt young people is the extraordinarily elderly stool that's currently lying undiscovered in Grandfather's toolbox. God alone knows how it got there.