Brandy_n_Cali
on Abuse by QuirkyWonder
27 Aug 2004, 6:50 AM
I REALLY ENJOY THIS POEM!!
hahaha... BURN!
this kicks major booty dude... more than stephen's fat ass
IT MEANS NON-SHINY you dumbass
Why follow a rhyme scheme, then desert it, then take up another half-arsed one in the last stanza? I can't see that it contributes anything to this poem; there seems to be no formal point to doing it. It jars.
It's not as empty-headed as the legions of comments saying "show don't tell". People just see other people writing "show don't tell", then think it sounds catchy and wise, then end up smearing it everywhere themselves. It's a disease.
in my point of view i like this poem ..the theme is considerable ..that's good
i love the poem ..it touchs inside my soul ..
sad and beautiful
Jeremi B. Handrinos
replying on Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
26 Aug 2004, 11:50 PM
I see your point, and it's well taken.
My poetry is a precious thing Doug; One can not just throw in a big blue viagra and hope for the best (like with your limp verse) One must prune it with love and care, Doug. But I'm sure you've already gathered that, haven't you, NIGGER.
thanks :)
yayayayayayayyaya
blahblahblahblahblah
I've heard that before...
the flow/rhythm of this is lacking. the idea--I think I get what you're saying, but it takes inspection. The telling and showing seem to be confused--the telling superfluous, except tha the showing is hard to understand--but even then the telling doesn't help as much as it could. I'd say work more on visualizing what's going on--try to think a little less.
Early this summer, in the southwest of Ireland, rains did not fall in their usual abundance and the Catholic farmers prayed for rain or asked their priests to. This was unrelated to the potato famine except in the ageless dependence on rain, enough rain, not too much rain, of farmers who do not irrigate and have traditionally trusted their gods and priests.
Why are the Irish peasants praying for rain? Are you talking about a fictional drought which is totally unrelated to the potato famine? Nice one.
I'm staring at stars and stairing up to pluck them, a pretty sight in my blindness. But my heart is healed by a hill on the land, so all is cool. ????
nentwined
on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer
26 Aug 2004, 1:16 PM
too much cliche, even if it does contain some of my favorite words.
I carry my possession that you possess to church every day? I think this is supposed to be a semi-riddle on knowledge, but I do not see how to put all the pieces together.
"stairring" is something I'd never contemplated before.
I really have _no idea_ how to read this. The words seem to strive for an entire lack of coherence.
Upon reconsideration, I think this is the sort of poem that if read aloud by a spirited personality would carry an amusing and important message. Some poems are just made to be performed and some poets write for the stage. Cheers.