INTRANSIT
on Air by Bachus
30 Apr 2004, 4:20 PM
As always.
Actually, you have described a number of poems I have read here recently and may be saying they are not really poems, but something less. On the other hand you may be catagorizing what you consider good poems, though some verses belie this. 9 for irony.
Just tryin' to get some rest, yep. Not bad.
'There are truths bled out through ink-stained hands;' I think you are probably thinking about philosophers, poetes just write pretty words.
they have their butlers hold them. to sully their hands with an instrument such as that--no, never!
Frankingsteins are much too thick to hold a pen.
the bleeding is very nicely done, aetius, and i like the analogy to amish tables but the words "polished clean through much erasure;" don't fitwith it--they trip them selves up. give them harder sounds to match the table's angles.
vomit--vomit. monsters unleashed--yesyes--
wild apples sewn by the mad--are you mad? why not the birds? why not by orchard-raiders chased off the land by athe tenant-farmer??
tame roses--ah, now that thorn soothes ,me. now you're back on track...
I really like half of the lines, here. And the idea behind it. Actually, the more I read it, the more I like the idea behind it. moving a six to a seven.
favorite bits: monsters, ecstatic catharsis, and the syllabic trellises. :)
Simply the best thing you've ever fucking done.
Brilliant. Absolutely Memorable. I'll take it to my grave and I am grateful that I have seen it before I go there.
Here is a poster I made about disabled issues:
http://www.pix8.net/files/stair_issues.j
so, my spelling sucks as much as my poetry...but nothing as much as my lips. :-)
Tramp concentrate! Merely add water to have the sweet taste of a tramp in a glass!
I see. The use of the verb crouch (which -=Dark_Angel=- had coined in the commentary on The Negro) and the last line made me think it was about an escaped negro. I now realise it is merely an tale from the outhouse. You fail.
A lingering smell of "follow through" has permeated this poem.
WTF?
It was originally 'A Night-Watchman's Journey', but I couldn't fit enough about Night-watchmen in, so I dropped the idea. Suffice to say, the language is not at all Negro.
Compare:
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
A good try, but all poemes about escaped negroes must end with their capture. Any poeme that doesn't highlight the futility of trying to escape is only likely to rekindle that awful twinkle they get in their eyes when they think "I'm not a slave - I'm a human being". I once had to shoot a whole herd because of that.