richa
on innocent voyeur by nentwined
20 Apr 2004, 1:29 AM
'the faces noeone sees' nope - you see them for a start and I am assuming the situation is public view so so do a lot of other people.
Come on, are you serious with this crap?
Although good, I have serious doubts that you actually wrote this. Did you have some help?
some deleted user
on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
20 Apr 2004, 1:16 AM
what the hell is this????????
way to much drama here, sounds like you are trying really hard to be cool, bad and tough. Didn't flow at all for me, maybe a rewrite would work here, doubt it though.
Sarcasm : A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.
Ouch!
Incidentally, I have read your poem, it stinks of microwaved arse.
interesting. I don't think you've caught me with your flow, but I don't have any suggestions.
This is just really bad.
over-lit, I think.
doesn't do enough for me, though it does seem to be a start, the more I ponder on it. I think undulating may be less descriptive of the jersey city night than befits its number of syllables. But I really don't have any suggestions--just my reaction.
no, i meant ballys. it's a chain of gyms. everything before the last line is what we do everyday. the last line is meant to be the only thing we do find easily is our loss of innocence.
it is not my heart speaks? or is it You speaks? I'm confused, but it seems either way it must be wrong. very confusing all around.
actually kinda cute. reminds me of strongbad.
thanks..
thanks..
wouldn't have dreamt of it..
Yeah, liked this.
It is a simple metaphor for sport in general people!
This not about dogs, but the essence of sport.
Sports turns men into animals, for what? People will kill for the gold and no one really remembers who died for what.