NoSage
replying on paint me a poem with pictures by nentwined
10 Nov 2003, 4:43 PM
Yes, Sliver has brought me kindof up to date on that, I just found out today that he writes and I was pleasantly surprised with a few of his. What do you think of finishing the poem with /sustain me throughout/then find a way to change L2?
what would you replace rhyme with?
and I'm leaning towards not using dribble; thoughts on that? there's a suggestion above... trickle. Which I like worse. I'm thinking... hmm. No, maybe I am thinking dribble. I need a thesaurus. ;)
[[thesaurus.com:
distill, drip, drivel, drizzle, drool, drop, leak, ooze, run, salivate, seep, slaver, slobber, spout, squirt, trill, weep
]]
hmm. I kinda like weep. DRIZZLE. Yes. I think v2 will be drizzle. ;)
Hmm. There are many poets here, and despite all the flattery I don't. Eh. Nice to meet you, in any case. But, I was going to say--there are many poets here, some of them are just very good at hiding. And they do tend to be overwhelmed by folks who think they are poets. Who are in turn overwhelmed by those that poke fun at anything. Some of whom are poets. And some of whom think they are poets. And there are overlaps all about.
So's the Canadian Anthem, but you don't see the maples laughing do you? Also I tried, but I couldn't get it to fit your assumption. Therefore,that must have been your attempt at humor. Forgive me for hurling ketchup at you.
Very well done. Finally, a poet.I was wondering if I might find one here.
Not a complete waste of time, you hit on a few good points. Your rhymes sounded a little forced at times, but all in all-not too shabby.
Apostrophe misplaced. I think I see what you were trying to do here. Try again.
Thanks for the comment. Enjoy your time here and remember not to take anybody TOO seriously. :P
Not too sure what to think, as this my first trip to this wonderful new world, I see the comments are as varied as the so called poets I have perused so far. this should be interesting. I like the idea you started with, but you seem to have lost the momentum before the end, needs a bit of polish, but overall, fairly well done.
I was'nt taking it in a bad way. Both me and my boyfriend worked together on this. So it is meaning ful to me.
emeraldeyes
on To those who'd share their heartfelt feelings with the world by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
10 Nov 2003, 2:35 PM
LOL
WHAT A PIECE OF CRAP!!
(actually, I only said that to give you a sense of balance - it has a light feeling to it, and a very nice cadence, that wins over any feelings of 'easy' rhyme).
Maybe could do with replacing the word "rhyme" - but, really it's fine as is.
oh, erm, why, thank you, then. :)
I'm honestly amazed by the votes it's getting.
It's the middle stanza of something that didn't really work right (imo), though the full thing is getting kudos also, elsewhere. I'm really having to wonder if people are just being nice to me.
http://www.livejournal.com/community/100
Actually I agree with INTRANSIT, I was merely echoing your sentiment in my own confusing way.
And by the way, your pies: ARE AWESOME!!
I won't hazard a vote, but even without the benefit of knowing the language enough to get a proper impression, there are few thoughts I like (or at least what I think they are, I like).
the idea of doubt creating damage in this way feels like something I want to know more about.
saying the full moon is romantic, is a bit 'done', though - regardless of the language, especially since this piece is rich in descriptors.
Flat translation:
Duer to me heart becomes cloudy the sky the storm will make more fort rain the reason will take care of your dream so that the doubt does not do damage to you. It rests in the bed of the illusion dressed in savannahs of the hope pillows of pleasing memories and by blanket your anxieties. It dreams about the shining sun the serenity of that sea in calm the fresh breeze of the dusk and the romantic Full Moon. Fleet in the apparent dark of one night without stars that your beats plot the course towards those sublime and beside the point beautiful things.
I can't get past the fact that it's blatant rip-off of "on top of old smokey".
Poor meatball.
Islands suck.
Men-o-pause?
What