oh jesus christ. GROW SOME BALLS. i expressed my hatred to my mother straight to her fucking face. you actually wrote and posted this here for HER? couldnt you use a little piece of paper for that so you could hang it on the fridge? fucking imbecile.

blah blah blah -- your ordinary off the wall bathroom stall scrawl.. *fart* 0

an improvement, you have been struggling for awhile, but this is proof that there is hope. 7.

the 6-7-6 one was better. Now the first line sounds like all women rather than all they want. And the third destroys the flow a bit. Sorry I couldn't help, maybe if you put the first version on and asked for help someone might have an idea

I prefer the first one even though it was not strictly a haiku. (3rd line what follows is neither) As for 'all women', I did think that was a bit generalist. But the power of this poem is its logic how the 3rd line concludes the premises of 1 and 2. Sorry I can't help

huh? the last line doesn't make sense to me. You're also taking a risk when you say "All women" is that ever true?

This is great! Anyone who wants to understand how image imparts meaning, and the emotion the poet is trying to express, should take a look at this poem. You stay right with the metaphor throughout, well done.

Well, it's good to see this side of things, but it's all sentiment and no vision. How was the chidhood not perfect, how did you do your best? You need to give the reader images, not sentiment, the images impart the sentiment, that's how poetry works. You should give it another go. Try to discribe what has actually gone on. When's the last time you saw this child? Discribe that to me, the first time you saw her/him, what your hopes were, literally. A home? Laughter? Don't just say 'I had so much hope for us', blah, blah, blah.

And a fat see through scorpion Poisonous, & barbed kisses full of babies. -i had a crystal clear vision of the scorpion, and i like it.. i wish i could paint it and hang it on my wall, but im a poet because i couldnt draw worth a fuck. btw, whats a ruana? blessed with nine.

very interesting form. it took me a few to get what you'd done. actually, a few more than that, really. almost a minute or two of unrelated thoughts until it popped in (oh). as for the content. cute, mostly amusing. 8 for ingenuity and the mostly amusing.

amusing, cute, amazingly beautiful (somehow you pull it off) heres an 8.

By the way the first two stanzas are silly at best. What on earth are you trying to say? "Satin walls of purposeful isolation"? What's that? You start of cold and then speak of a vengeful sun, that doesn't seem right.