horus8
replying on Scarecrow by horus8
15 Jul 2003, 4:52 PM
It's by far my best song to date, very old Johnny Cash in the likes of walking the line and ring of fire, I'll make the mp3 soon, but mark my words, this will be my first hit as stands. I catered it specificaly to industry standards of shit title, placebo verse, and pop crotch chorus. It can't fail.
On a brighter note, at least I'm out of by far the nasty jail I've ever seen.
On one of the walls some grafiti read (in spanish)
"Justice can be purchased at the front desk for 200.00$"
Indeed.
I'm sure you could imagine my cackle it took my eyes 15 minutes to adjust to the pitch black to even begin to make out the various scrawlings on the wall, and the even carried out the town drunk to allow me a moment of perfect blessful solitude before taking a piss in the tray that appears to be what breakfast comes in upon. Cement floor, no lights, no running water, and a very fast rat I nicknamed Stephanie.
Lose the title how about:
Killing crows.
also last line possibility:
This rivers gone dirty when you turned it to wine,
At least you cant hurt me, if your no longer mine,#
She cried me a river of crocodile tears,
And I drown in the torrent of yesteryears.
This is a waayy cool opening but its title lets itself down only due to our sperm perm sock shoving crotch fake timberlake. But its late here midnight, midweek and my brain juices are flaking but i have to say H8 this is the best I have read of yours, I have no MP3
fuck ! 10
And any cu** blue voting this below 5 i'm about to unbutton my zip so get ready to munch on my blower constrictor.
Pure but the title reminds me of Draculas insect eating slave.
How was Afrique?
So So
It's so slim that I feel guilty suggesting that you slim it down. But "...the skirt of a scrap yard ballerina named xena..." is just more flashy. Punch me if economy is wrong for this, but it seems that you're half way there already. "Naive pixies/ beware" is awesome. "Innocent..." is redundant, I think.
An 8 on great images alone. But it could be better yet.
P.S. Thanx for your comments on my stuff. I appreciate the honesty about Sorry Romance.
I like how the layout looks like a lightningbolt\excamation point. Must...re-..read...
"forsaken 63.88.160.101" 'nough said. Sad, really sad.
Music, technology, and the technology of music...what more could one want but, the feelings you conjure. P-90 eh? cool axe.
works well as graffiti. Enigmatic in any given context
Funny, but stupid funny
Why should god save his mother, over all other? He doesn't save people that isn't what he does. He's the one who takes and does not give, hes greeder then my old man. I think your not asking the right person for the task at hand.
There's an abrupt change between truck and car at the end, it disturbs this otherwise excellent poem.
Don't like the ... after own; mis-leading. Edit out 'my universe'.
I have a problem with 'that' in the 3rd-to-last line. Could it be "will" or perhaps just move straight to slowly?
I have a problem with 'infinitesimal'. Otherwise perfect, especially the last stanza.
the first three lines are very good.