Felzpoet
on W.A.R. by lunar
24 May 2003, 4:59 PM
Guess it was a miss
and so was this
Sweeet
I see, well, I'm sure it's not the first or the last time. Hang in there. I would wager my soul that this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. These calamities have a way of changing one for the better and attracting people to you that are more worthy and accepting of your gifts and love. I have a feeling something wonderful is right around the corner waiting to take you to the next level. One must molt to reveal their true beauty, so molt. I'll be waiting to hear the good news, because trust me, it's on its way. For now just know that I'm right, and you'll be fine. farewell for now.
With all my hope and strength.
Your friend.
Jeremi (horus8).
No I wouldn't rather you ignored it. I'm sorry I came off that way but I just got dumped yesterday (hence the poem). I'm still a little pissed at being told that I am now single through an e-mail. I appriciate help with my poems but it just seemed a little harsh.... Thanks for trying.
Some style some flare but not really much there -6-
Did I say that it was Ryan? I merely took the time to show you that I do. My changes were not intended to do anything other then reflect the piece off of my form the way that It affected me. Would you rather I just ignored your work, or said nice poem? Because that can be arranged.
It's typical of you to avoid the issue, diamondwife. You know perfectly well you don't have an adequate theory of depth for emotions, so you try to turn it around and call me a child molester. Well I've had enough. Don't call me anymore. I won't be calling you.
Line and stanza breaks are up to the writer. Just because I didn't do it the same way you did doesn't mean it's an error.
As for most of your other changes, I don't think so. SOme of them are nice but not what I intended.
Because I was in a fucking hurry, that's why, and it would take to long, here:
A glimpse of light,
you came into my life.
Bright, beautiful, and splendid,
but all too fleeting.
I let the light shine upon me,
enjoying it.
Yet the light reflected off of me
in ways that I know I cannot understand.
The shine changed me, my visage.
To all who could see,
I had changed,
and yet they never knew
the me of before.
The smile, a trick of light
that shows the hairs on one's face.
A young man becoming.
Noticed, but still unknown.
Showing up, but not to stand out.
Now that the light is gone,
yet again the faces change.
Now in the dimness they still
won't see why.
They will not notice the fading shadow
of said smile.
They never knew you.
For a while, I basked in your light.
I eclipsed the truth
I hid you as you requested.
Now you retreat again.
The light is gone,
and the shadows have come back.
Now I must become acustomed
to the dark.
Well, I say, not concrete, but a fine ode none the less.
I cannot write this poem "the way I would have written it" because I would not have written it. These are your ideas and your emotions. I too have been published and, honestly, it doesn't mean that much. All it means is that someone who publishes things thought your poem was good. I don't. It is my opinion. What matters most is what you think. If it makes you happy, then keep following the path you are on.
Ahh...the joy of the internet, you have no idea what my face looks like. I could be model material, I could look, well, the way you describe me. But, alas, it matters not, as that is not the issue here. What I really want to know is why you are attacking me when you obviously agree that this poem is awful. Are you threatened that someone else besides you has an opinion? Let's remember that all we really know about each other, or anyone on this site, for that matter, is the words that are written here.
Why did you suddenly flip?
Your friend,
--Doug
Newsflash: stfu.
shardik, i smoke outta b0ngs... get it rite
iam sorry! my speelchecker sux :D, but hey, thanks for the feedback
And I ask you: Are the typos so many and so strong that you cannot get meaning? For that is what a typo riddled poem would be. Are you so distracted by a missing n or a stray comma that you cannot read through it and see something on the other side? Does it raise a question that requires much thought from you? I truely hope you are not so puzzled by a few typos.
And again I ask you: Why not be helpful and point them out? Why instead simply tell of their existence?
I hate it when you go to sleep but it turns out to be a Sleep of Death.
i like this. Your writing reminds me of one of my friend Shawn Simmons' writing. If you want to check out some of his writings or some other writers, go to the website k215.com click on the names on the left-hand side. I think you'd like their writing...
Read my new poem ("Doug Soderstrom")----it's a WINNER!