some deleted user
on Esperanza by Fear of Garbage
24 Feb 2003, 1:14 PM
you should fear that this is garbage
cool.
Line 3 constricts the message, but ding dong well done on a fine piece my lord heres your mark ```9
Don't you mean you meant "therapeutic writing"?
I meant "theraputic writing".
YAWN. bo-ring. theraputing wring is a nice thing to do, but too often folks think it is good for sharing. keep these to yourself. write about something new.
plagued by typos (such as "traped" and "tstay"), it makes it tough to read and detracts from any poetic quality. cut the redundancies and tighten up your language. try some images--similes, metaphors--fresh ones not "daggar of fate" trite stuff. push yourself. don't be afraid.
i don't know but this poem is actually based on the main
character of The House on Mango Street
blah blah blah I'm sad. try to use a metaphor or two--some fresh language. you almost did it with the needle in the heart, but instead you missed the target, punctured a lung and are making this gurgling sound. try some concise images.
Why not listen to -=Dark_Angel=- MP3 Corner #1?!?!? I'm sure it will cheer you up!!!!
http://www.angelfire.com/journal/thwarte
fuckin' hell. why am I always left out of these things?
woo thx, my mistake in there made me feel like an idiot, its supposed to be DRIFT not THRIFT.
Thx 4 the votes. Well when i did this poem i did feel like hurting sumthin, i had a knife right next to me so it sparked the idea, * gets hit by a flying thorn bush*.....ow......
Like it,Esperanza means Hope right? not sure just a guess
I think the poem is bloody good. so there.
good poem,like it!
I luved this poem when u first showed me it.
Although this was a spur of the moment piece and thus I think it fits to be more sentiment than concrete I'd be willing to take suggestions on ways to revise.
thx for the votes once again ppl. I hafta say this here that one of my poems has a mistake, if u read In the darkness, it says thrift, its supposed to be drift, but i screwed up. Once again thx!
Actually, I hold the right to choose how one lives and dies to be one of the most essential rights humans need. As for the laws of nature, most of what people do go against them.