Tyriana
replying on Love Under Will by Tyriana
7 Feb 2003, 9:40 AM
My apologies. I was just skimming anyway.
Do you understand how the indentation of a comment relates to its place in the hierarchy of the discussion?
Do you LOL at me, good sir?
Overall nice job. It just needs a little tweaking in the words to help it flow a little better.
its scitz, zzinnia got your e mail and its a blast, thanx peanut !
Get rid of 'on a'
Oh fuck... here go's
Dowtown bus
Snow unfolding into forever
and I try heading home.
I watch the crazyfresh
Scrooges of campus
Conspire.
lurid smiles. dim city light.
they dandle cellphones
like unwanted infants crying hard
abandoned in the clean falling of snow.
U-girls
Are like angels getting off
Tight
Glitter-bright shirt
Laid over heathly shoulders.
My involuntary eek of recognition.
My scarf hides
parched and wanting lips.
Now
all I will allow myself to see
is a relief map
on the back
of an old man's neck.
Hey,
Whatever it takes to survive.
nicely done. i might change to this:
cellphones cradled,
cry like infants.
you make me chuckle...you are hilarious..that part about mississippi and white and the kkk... wild stuff. have you been to a lyncing lately? i hear they're good for life reevaluating.
Something tells me you've never seen a naked woman before... HAVE YOU? FESS UP! chirpe...that's right your chirpe is weake.
I'll think on this while i'm drinking a fruity beverage on the beatche nexte...
Airballe.
The Night Rider...
this is unfinished
cynical. as it should be.
take out 'all' in the last line. it's one beat too many.
why the 6 degrees of separation? that's kevin bacon's gig.
nice action here. spell check it though!
i'm sorry, but this makes you look pathetic. have some self-respect, child!
um... thanks? care to expand? i just wrote this tonite- i just felt like putting it up here right away...