some deleted user
on AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
26 Jan 2003, 12:22 PM
okay, some fucked up shit here
My favorite so far. Quite different fromt he first draft. I love the rhyming, tips/cliffs. Could/earth. Really a first rate poem. Change 'dusty' to something truer, deeper. Something sadder, more poignant.
Great! 9
Very enjoyable read. It's definately confusing at first, but after a couple of times I've got the hang. Nice one. 8
I wasn't sure where it was going, but I like where it ended. The middle was... eh. but good for the contrast, I suppose.
'House of Pain', isn't that a French bread shop?
eh. not horribly amusing.
ow.
lol! asl! I am a mockery of mocking myself mocking mockery? 7.
revist?
not a fan of this style.
I like how the third line sets scale when none was there before. :)
nicely done, for what it is. :) the only bit o' weakness I felt be the toad, and 'm not quite sure what.
na, its good i'm just an idiot
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on me, Deep-as-a-puddle and the elusive connection by lunar
26 Jan 2003, 7:51 AM
It's not an insult. It's a Cack-Wagon. In any case, 'cack' is a word completely unknown to Americans, who also have no idea how funny they sound when they say they're wearing 'khaki pants'.
i really like, its great, great end with the last 4 lines =10
kewl, 8
I'm with JC on this one. ish.
cute. 7.