Quarton
on Trespasser at the Men's Bathing Pond by Christof
21 Jan 2003, 9:28 AM
I like this. Very original and good rhythm. The form is different, using 6 lines per stanza and a couplet rhyme scheme.
Interesting piece and deserves a high number.
Robert K Foster
on Dear Mr. Poetry, could you hold my purse? <how does babbit do it> by horus8
21 Jan 2003, 7:36 AM
except for the shouting, i like this. I think the "!"s could go.
cute.
You nasty man, you should be ashamed of yourself...where would the poor tree fit? So mean, you are, and stingy too. hmph.
fookin hippys if u really loved tree u should chop em down take em home and give em a cuddle
*shoosh*
Don't let the secret out...dude!
No bones, huh? Maybe that's why you feel the need to give it one......bloody hippy....
Not at all-everyone knows that trees have no bones. Silly.
Ask Bobjim next time!
Just because you want to bone it...
Marvellous...just marvellous.
Very springy.
I think we should put porn on this site.
Of course! But only if you get my name right...
That would be the mirror.
Bonza!
First verse doesn't seem to fit with the feel of the rest of this one. Take it out and turn it into a new poem 'cause it's great (well I really like it!).
I'm not sure what to vote this, I'll have another read and think about it.
Like the end! Nice work, perhaps you could do another version of this and bring out the surreality (just for lil old me!) because I'd love to see more images-check out my 'Am I Still Here' if you want.
Yes anyway, a good poem here's a nine.
Well now, food for thought indeed! First and foremost, this was written as a lyric because that's what I am best at (although I've just written a free verse which I will submit soon for you lot to read). That is why I a) rhyme and b) use 'fillers'. I personally prefer to have a set rhythm and therefore I attempt to fill it to the best degree possible don't know if that makes any sense, but hey). I agree that in some cases the information is unnecessary, however it tends to be that I'm writing this online and think hmm, that doesn't fit-what can I put in? That is part of the reason why it's not wholly useful.
Anyway, thanks for your help-hope to hear from you a bit later-and I'll submit this other one that I'd like you to read.
Some fantastic lines. 'Turning into a...' is a wonderful line. this needs some editing but otherwise very touching.