hobojo
on Killing me. by Plasticgirlwithgun
6 Dec 2002, 8:54 AM
Love the end
Do you ever write anything yourself or have you simply developed a keen ability to cut and paste.
check line 3 for spelling (conquer)
A little futile and one dimensional, nice, but basically very formulaic.*5*
Hobojo, quite the George Romero with this one
Well if that was the intent then congratulations you succeed, but I am still not sure that is a good thing.
I would not call free verse revolutionary. It was a natural progression from the narrative structure and when it finally came about as a more comfortable mode of poetry the world of art was ensconced in so many wild changes the it slipped right in. I'd say free verse opened up more specifics in content, which allowed subjects to be openly dealt with and easier for the common reader to understand, and this might have had a revolutionary effect as bringing poetry to the peasant, but again the nature of the form was already coming around.
exlpoded->exploded
...
and I'm afraid I don't get it.
Go Gladiator girl save up $100 and get the knobhead, you saved this by the ballistic ending
Cut the cookies with your wit razorgrin, this satisfied my bloodthirst and cookiehunger -9-
i think dearest swife those are words she is using about herself. but i think one could be applied to you in your response to sunfloweronfire response. It would behoove you to take my advice - self-righteous as it gets.
Show this to your son when he's old enough to understand because its one of the most honest, moving and beautiful pieces I've read, you've got more sides than a pentagon horus, i like this side because its you and your balls are gleaming with gold today with this.
p.s read 'father and son' by tony parsons you'll f****g love it. (amazon.com for review) TEN/TEN
I'm with GW on this one. I think this could have a positive impact if you changed the title on this to maybe 'Courage of the Coward' or 'Living with Dying'. I attempted suicide at 15 and wrote several pieces on the subject, I admire your sensitivity on wanting to immortalize the dude but concentrate more on 2 powers at work, I wrote a line 'a mind and a heart in a civil war that left behind darkness, so brighter before; try and invent a metaphor for his suffering like surrendered heart, it has to have your stamp on it and write it as much from your mind as your heart, think of places he went, how you sum him up, what he did, the negative and positive things that were said about him, keep dont drift from this subject, work on it in when your inspired, theirs a masterpiece song on suicide by 'Depeche Mode' called blasphemous rumours, I'll hope you listen to it for inspiration.
This has been the longest comment i've ever made -good luck man
third thingy, thirds line, third letter E? Although you have used to use an A instead of an E elsewhere if i recall correctly so perhaps theres some mystical reason for it. If so please beat me savaraly.
Good !
But I think stanza 2 could be improved because I wanted to know more about where the dance with the horned angels was and the mockery of purity, at least you avoided patronizing the subject, also is stand on throne not sit or is their an entendre their? -7-
This is quite a hopeful ending to the isolation of unemployment, it appeased me, dark mixed with light nicely here -8-
that is not a sonnet
a sonnet has 14 lines and 10 sylibles in a line, also the lines rhyme like this...
a
b
a
b
c
d
c
d
e
f
e
f
g
g
you see the tast two are rhyming couplets, i just thought you might like to know
absolute rubbish
Dear Jones the P, i think your slightly strange, and it hasn't got anything to do with this poem. i have seen T'rebel.
Are you a cardigan wearing hobnob eater, who drinks very milky tea?
Thats my image of you.
hellhammer is better than dave grohl. So are horgh and frost. they have silly names. I've seen dave grohl's buttocks.