on All in Love by gothiclovepoetiss
19 Jun 2005, 7:16 PM
Not a limerick.
on Nonsense POEM #14687 by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
19 Jun 2005, 7:19 PM
As written, it's more story than poem.
on some deleted poem
19 Jun 2005, 7:33 PM
"as only just you got dolled up in a dark blue midlife crisis" seems bad for two reasons. Grammar, but this is not simply a matter of grammatical orderliness, it's a matter of clarity. Second, "dolled up" clashes with "midlife cricis."
The last 2 lines are good.
The last 2 lines are good.
on The And women by INTRANSIT
19 Jun 2005, 9:13 PM
Oh, but we are meant to be understood in our subtitles of language as we drag accross your eyes with pearls meant only to adorn.
on The tender side. by darby pyn
19 Jun 2005, 9:15 PM
Doesn't make sense.
In the place I used to work we built spirals into the plans - those transitions to real curves wherein the wheel can easily adjust by a half-stoned arm, and after several such easings, drivers become chicaned to expect them. Just thought you'd like to know who to blame and how ironic the victory.
on some deleted poem
20 Jun 2005, 5:48 PM
Light and fun, the poem. Like the carnavals were a hundred years ago in the USA so I'm told. It's like a fairy tale, comical.
on some deleted poem
20 Jun 2005, 12:07 PM
"Of my heart" is an explanitory line, unlike the better last lines of Verses 1 and 3.
on Being Alone by Sunshine Conkey
20 Jun 2005, 12:10 PM
It would be better without the first verse.
on Wash by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
21 Jun 2005, 9:53 AM
"woven plants hung on my body to cover the base creature I claim not to be" - Good line.
on Rise (incomplete) by Miracle
21 Jun 2005, 9:56 AM
I'm not sure you know exactly what you want to say.
on on passing through some small town by Dental Panic
21 Jun 2005, 7:20 PM
Much better. I wonder why just some of the sentences begin with capitals.
on some deleted poem
23 Jun 2005, 11:29 AM
Sorry, but I've never had a dream about loving someone I hated while awake. Some clever lines.
on Family by Sunshine Conkey
23 Jun 2005, 6:31 PM
Good adult story too. The rhythm is so good in most of it that those lines that break it really stand out. For example, "Later that day, cooking the evening meal," leave out "evening."
on Yard Birds by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
23 Jun 2005, 6:39 PM
Not so for the egg this bird will someday lay, but we all say that is some way. Peck, peck.
on Drama by QuirkyWonder
23 Jun 2005, 7:11 PM
Could be said in half the words and be stronger.
on Mountain Gorillas by Blue Magpie
23 Jun 2005, 7:15 PM
It seems the title is wrong because it's about her, what she did.
on How Well I See by Blue Magpie
24 Jun 2005, 5:45 AM
It's difficult to handle an issue like this effectively in a form like this, but I think you've done well.
on some deleted poem
24 Jun 2005, 7:59 PM
Funny. More commas would help, like after "shits" in the second line. And "beercans"? well, drop it.
on FAT BALLET- PAS DE DEUX by andrew barnes
25 Jun 2005, 7:16 AM
Good, except for long-limbed pulley.