poemranker ::20 most recent comments by Tintagiles (21-40) and replies

Comments byTintagiles, 21–40 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on Downside by Miggy 16 Oct 2005, 10:29 PM
'You had your runs with...' I'll take o'er -=Dark_Angel=-'s comment. Change to 'You had the runs because of' and it might be all right.
on False Reality by jlynnwall 2 Oct 2005, 10:50 AM
Unfinished indeed. Ask me again when it's done. And have a five, as it doesn't matter either way, which is the proper thing to do to drafts.
replying on Electric Light by cyan9 27 Sep 2005, 1:07 AM
You wouldn't lose the commentary, only the votes. The other misspelling is 'knash' for 'gnash'.
replying on nicholson by ay deee 26 Sep 2005, 7:18 PM
The answer to your question, of course.
on Electric Light by cyan9 26 Sep 2005, 7:14 PM
I'm presuming 'chorde' is 'cord'? And 'that whispers of me to enter' -- should that me 'whispers to me' or was the gate whispering about it, in which case 'to enter' makes no sense.

Very well written, though.
on Servant Girl or Princess? by TLRufener 26 Sep 2005, 7:11 PM
Was he in shining armour at the ball? Must be a pretty tough guy to dance the Volta with sixty kilos of metal on him...
on The Death of an Octopus by tianyi 25 Sep 2005, 8:54 PM
The Villanelle's much better.
on Awakening by Quarton 25 Sep 2005, 8:49 PM
Nice. Very nice, even. It's 'whirling' rather than 'wirling', by the way -- though I'd tend to change that line. 'Whirling dervishes' have been heard of too often.
on The Birds by flightoffancy 25 Sep 2005, 8:42 PM
Please -- you have to get at least one reference to Hitchcock in.
on Are you my love? by Prince of Void 25 Sep 2005, 8:10 PM
It seems to be missing the occasional 'that' and 'the'.
on Horus8 & The Werewolves Live... by horus8 23 Sep 2005, 4:18 PM
Oh, come on, horus, you can do better than this...
on My Name Is by hottemper26 23 Sep 2005, 4:17 PM
I'd break it up into line/indented line. Like this:

Today my name is dreamer,
Lost and clueless

It would probably make it a bit better. Not much, but a bit.
on nicholson by ay deee 23 Sep 2005, 4:13 PM
31.
on untitled Rubiyat 1 by starkfister 23 Sep 2005, 4:11 PM
Of course, in English at least, the form works better if the three rhyming lines are of the same length...
on The Last Suburb by unknown 23 Sep 2005, 4:06 PM
Too prosy. Maybe it's that there's not great feeling of rhythm. Something could be done with it, though.
on From Dust To Flesh To Texas by Caducus 23 Sep 2005, 4:04 PM
Nice, nice. Why the question mark at 'cross he carved'? The second last stanza doesn't seem to fit that well, though.
on The Box by Eydn 23 Sep 2005, 4:02 PM
Needs a rewrite. Here's a hint: if you're gasping for air, and in the next moment screaming, you're not serene.
on Climate Control by MacFrantic 23 Sep 2005, 4:01 PM
Isn't it 'Bunyan'?
on Rescue My Heart by pletcgm 23 Sep 2005, 3:59 PM
8074E000
on Rescue My Heart by pletcgm 23 Sep 2005, 3:58 PM
'Amassed with many feelings'?