Ow. That's terrible. If you're going to use old-fashioned language, do it well.

Aside from that, an excellent first-person narrative of a dwarf performing cunnilingus on a grown woman. 8070F000

Hmm. That's quite fine. You still need to learn about apostrophes, but I gave up on that years ago.

Seriously, howe'er... The second stanza is a bit confused. The first two lines are fine. Then the third: what's was laid on the grave? The buds. Do the buds make the graves fragrant, or were they already? Was the love born on/in the graves? Not that I mind, I've nothing against necrophilia myself... 'to die in her today' ... Does that mean 'Love was born/to die in love's today' or 'Love was born/to die in [graves, autumn] on this day'? Or what?

I really like the penultimate line, but the last one seems to let it down a little.

If you were a bird, you'd have a brain the size of a peanut! Oh, wait, how would that chanmge you?

Yawn yawn yawn. If you make it rhyme, you can send it to Hallmark.

Okay. You're not rhyming. That's good. 'Bleeding a river of love' -- if it's flowing out and you're not going to love again, sure. 'Will you make my heart flutter' -- medically speaking, that's not a very good request.

One point for the courage of writing a patriotic poem. Like almost every single other patriotic poem in the history of literature in all languages, it's crap.

As has come to be expected from you, very good. Line six, 'there' not 'their'. 'Soon Spring will die in October': great line, but, umm... what happened to summer?

Why the comma after "where"? I'm presuming that the last line is the direct continuation of the first, in which case it might be a thought to add a stanza break between the first and second lines.

I really rather like this. Though the "(how did they get to my mountain)" I'm not sure about. Maybe break it into another line or something -- the rhythm seems off because that one line's so long.

Nice. I'm not sure about the title being one of the three lines, but hey...

For a translation insisting to rhyme, this is very good. One small wince is that in your version it sounds like it's only the crew of one ship that would do this, while in the original it's any old bunch of sailors.

Hee hee. That's lovely.

A prose poem, I take it? A bit too prosy, even for that.

Could stand another take.

Eighth line, get rid of 'That'.

Hmm. Get rid of the initial 'Oh'. Fifth stanza, get rid of 'and'. There are a few other rhythmic things I'd think could be changed, but can't think how. The end of each line does not require a punctuation mark.

Let me see... I read and voted on this twenty minutes ago. What exactly have you changed?

'Stop kidnapping my pet'... Wonderful. How often has the stalker done so? Does the pet just keep reappearing on the doorstep or something?

I'd prefer it as a prose poem. But that's just me.