replying on Cinematic Indulgence by nentwined
5 Aug 2008, 3:19 PM
No not really. Might take me anywhere as long as the flow is good.
on Cinematic Indulgence by nentwined
22 Jul 2008, 1:18 PM
Pretty good flow but ending too soon.
replying on God the mother by Dental Panic
20 Jul 2008, 1:41 PM
Thanks very much for the comment - it makes sense, I'll keep the ending.
on I had no idea it could be so good by A. Nomaly
29 Apr 2008, 1:19 AM
I like it too.
Great works on your homepage.
Great works on your homepage.
on Easter Egg Hunt by Dovina
29 Nov 2007, 6:14 AM
While freestrolling through comments here and there, I read a line of yours, going something like: did I see you in Kansas, staring at daisies?
Maybe you should try to write more by accident - this is one big deliberate bulk.
Maybe you should try to write more by accident - this is one big deliberate bulk.
on In the berth by INTRANSIT
29 Nov 2007, 5:57 AM
the sound effects make it an infant thing - don't know if that's intentional. It's wasted on me, that's for sure.
I like the cat though. prrrr prrrrrrrrrrr
I like the cat though. prrrr prrrrrrrrrrr
on a bit of theory by pete
26 Oct 2007, 6:07 AM
I like it â especially the first line.
replying on INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT
25 Oct 2007, 10:50 AM
- with the poem, I mean.
on INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT
24 Oct 2007, 4:41 PM
I totally agree.
on Forever Moving On by Absorbed Intellect
24 Oct 2007, 4:24 PM
I, as a member of the FMO, am simply stupified by the sublime accuracy of your poem.
on Prescription of Pain by Miggy
10 Aug 2007, 1:33 PM
yeah, chirp is great. Sounds like Bush talkin' bout Yurp.
on scene by Dental Panic
8 Jul 2007, 8:24 AM
thanx for the replies
on In the maybe by INTRANSIT
8 Jul 2007, 8:14 AM
There is a good line in here, the one about chrismas I mean, but on the whole it drifts off in the âI make some kind of statementâ direction. You know, this and that: is nobodyâs fault, no one knows, all I have, all I can, undsoweiter. Itâs like generalising the personal in order to express an all too poetic mood of inconclusiveness. Perhaps. I could be completely wrong here. But one does have that liberty in the warm wet womb of the internet.
Anyway, speaking of teachers â I just watched Taylor Mali perform âwhat teachers makeâ. I think your logbook poem is better, but this one is worse. So much for comparisons.
Anyway, speaking of teachers â I just watched Taylor Mali perform âwhat teachers makeâ. I think your logbook poem is better, but this one is worse. So much for comparisons.
on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT
6 Jul 2007, 2:22 PM
Very good poem. Top of the scale. Worth all the rereads. And so forth.
on Summer Loving by Christof
6 Jul 2007, 1:49 PM
I like the image of the bottled wasp very much. I think it's possible to explore an image, or take it further, but you should never explain it - which is exactly what you're doing in the lines following the wasp: "Lured by sweetness, buzzing and wrestling And crawling the walls of the great empty vessel
In which she is trapped."
Ow! Guess I was to dumb to get it.
The first part is pretty nice (skip one morning though), up to the lover's arrival. The rhythm goes out the window there and the whole poem becomes a bit lazy and self satisfied with stuff like 'fantasy girl' and such. And the grease doesn't do it any good either.
Still, there's the wasp.
In which she is trapped."
Ow! Guess I was to dumb to get it.
The first part is pretty nice (skip one morning though), up to the lover's arrival. The rhythm goes out the window there and the whole poem becomes a bit lazy and self satisfied with stuff like 'fantasy girl' and such. And the grease doesn't do it any good either.
Still, there's the wasp.
on Unsung American Dream by SupremeDreamer
22 Apr 2007, 3:06 PM
time for a commercial break.
so why call it haiku? 'short poem' will do fine.
I find a touch of sentiment in this one:
even when I'm in Kyoto
when I hear the cuckoo
I long for Kyoto
still, it's more of an observation of a sentiment.
But this is one of the best:
Old pond
Frog jumps in
Splash!
(both are by Basho)
I find a touch of sentiment in this one:
even when I'm in Kyoto
when I hear the cuckoo
I long for Kyoto
still, it's more of an observation of a sentiment.
But this is one of the best:
Old pond
Frog jumps in
Splash!
(both are by Basho)
replying on cold war by Dental Panic
6 Mar 2007, 2:31 AM
You're right. No need to rub it in. I'll drop the last line.