replying on The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy
25 Nov 2005, 6:17 AM
Share the wealth then, whats this new approach? (p.s. When I said it was in a different league, I meant in regards to most online work, rather than your own (in case there was confusion))
on The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy
25 Nov 2005, 3:18 AM
In a different league to the rest.
on O dear. by celticskatermatt1
24 Nov 2005, 1:54 AM
O Dear, not another one. When will these people realise.... I felt compelled to give this a low vote, firstly on the basis that it lulled me towards the position of wanting to vomit, but not enougth so as to stick two fingers down my throat. Secondly it uses the word love a hell of a lot, without saying anything about your feelings or this other person, and so feels somewhat less than loving and more like a manic fad; whether that is the intention or not.
on A Modern Woman by Dovina
24 Nov 2005, 1:48 AM
Good Luck, theyre difficult to find, Ive been looking out for quite some time.
replying on The Fall of Marvin Hyde by cyan9
23 Nov 2005, 8:15 AM
It'll be like the film how to get a head in advertising, she'll appear as a boil in your neck that you try to lance, but winds up growing into a new head that lances you and buries your head as a boil in your neck..... or maybe not.
replying on The Fall of Marvin Hyde by cyan9
23 Nov 2005, 8:12 AM
The line about the junkie and his syringe has little to do with herion, and more to do with a state of craving pain. + I have taken many substances and been temporarily hooked on a few, but not heroin.
replying on The Fall of Marvin Hyde by cyan9
23 Nov 2005, 8:09 AM
This piece is a exaggeration of a period in my life well prior to taking any drugs, I don't take any now either. Heroin addicts are 'fucked up' people; having seen what Ive seen, I blame the reasons for them being 'fucked up' rather than the drug that can provide benefit to generally the terminally ill.
on Lines by OneFingerAnswer
23 Nov 2005, 7:55 AM
Something that I think everyone thinks at some point, put very clearly, although the last line one would suppose should mean that your tongue was trying to trick you; except your tongue tripping over imples that somebody else had caught you.... perhaps a little more than meets the eye here, or someone looking to hard???
replying on The Rise of Dr Herbert Cyan by cyan9
23 Nov 2005, 7:46 AM
Ahem errrrr hum oh yes duh
on Derrick Holmes by rahson_s
23 Nov 2005, 1:50 AM
Sin City. Captivates the feel of gangster talk from films, I thought there were places where the piece could benefit from more elaberate use of language e.g
we Moved the bodies to the car
outside seating two Italian
>>>
We packed the stiffs in the motor
Outside seating two butch mafiosos
-pardon the spelling-
we Moved the bodies to the car
outside seating two Italian
>>>
We packed the stiffs in the motor
Outside seating two butch mafiosos
-pardon the spelling-
replying on Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina
23 Nov 2005, 1:42 AM
What does Caviot mean by the way? I cant find it in any dictionary's.
replying on Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina
23 Nov 2005, 1:38 AM
There is one problem with your argument here, being that once a poem is off the recent list, it tends not to be red, and just seems to sit there as a bad egg taking up space. It is not an issue of sensitivity, and if it were, there would be nothing to be sensitive about apart from the lack of comments. I only receive votes on new poems, perhaps because I have massively less work on this site, mine do not appear on random so often. Never the less. The reason I deleted the piece in question was that it had a lot of hits with the only comments being about whether you should vote or not, one vote from you, and another from someone to negate your 5, leaving the piece unconsidered and thus it was better to replace it with something that might be considered, allowing me to figure out what is and isn't accessible for people.
on i dream in nine minute increments by ay deee
22 Nov 2005, 8:37 AM
Imaginative title, piece kind of reminds me of Sin City
replying on Due Consideration by Dovina
22 Nov 2005, 8:36 AM
Where can you get this information / a transcript?
on Due Consideration by Dovina
22 Nov 2005, 8:09 AM
Absolutely full of actions to analyse and think about. Draws readers like me to think much deeper into your personality than most pieces that aim to state who you are. I think I might use this style later in order to try and shape a persons experience by the actions and pathways that you give them to analyse, rather than to present them with the analysis in a statement (may lead to a much richer form).
Back to the poem though, I found a slightly unpleasant break in the flow at the stanza with the unborn word to be an absolute high point of the piece. If you had continued with the flow all the way, I may have thought that this was a delightful little piece and should score it an 8 for having a nice rhyme; however the break in the flow caused me to pause to think, and thus dive into the analysis and the ideas that this provokes. My only problem is that I dont quite understand the 2 lines about statring "To give".
Back to the poem though, I found a slightly unpleasant break in the flow at the stanza with the unborn word to be an absolute high point of the piece. If you had continued with the flow all the way, I may have thought that this was a delightful little piece and should score it an 8 for having a nice rhyme; however the break in the flow caused me to pause to think, and thus dive into the analysis and the ideas that this provokes. My only problem is that I dont quite understand the 2 lines about statring "To give".
on Devictus by nocturnalism
22 Nov 2005, 7:56 AM
I like the melancholy here, the images of your head being bowed in shame, and the horror of the shade all add to the power and make for colourful language, however all words that you use are relatively simple, and so it reminds me of the Beefeaters at the Tower of London in the UK, who tell children stories of its dark and bloody past. The range and grab of the feelings here are extensive for a dark poem, which usually just try to get the reader to feel sorry for them; I think thats a good thing.
replying on Amber's Witness by cyan9
21 Nov 2005, 7:48 AM
It would definately be more provokative, thats for sure. Why not go the whole hog and go for "A pulse for autumn's sprogging."
replying on Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina
21 Nov 2005, 7:46 AM
Alternatively, let the nasty mut go free into the wilderness where it belongs, replacing it with a spanking new poodle that follows you round and people tell you how cute it is....
Allright, maybe I should leave them (it allows people to pick up on your faults and give better feedback, rather than saying "nice write"); but once they are off the recent list then nobody really looks at them anyway, so the temptation rather than to see them go bad and lonely is to cover them up with a new poem, so that at least nobody sees them after they've gone bad.
Allright, maybe I should leave them (it allows people to pick up on your faults and give better feedback, rather than saying "nice write"); but once they are off the recent list then nobody really looks at them anyway, so the temptation rather than to see them go bad and lonely is to cover them up with a new poem, so that at least nobody sees them after they've gone bad.
replying on Beneath the Willow Tree by cyan9
21 Nov 2005, 4:27 AM
This to me is similar to the opening scene of Saw 2:
Guy has option to save his own life by cutting out a key that has been surgically emplanted behind his eye, he must do this with a scalpel before the timer ends. Guy cant do it. Guy dies.
I think with enougth peer pressure I could just about be able to do it, as long as I could communicate and have some kind of interaction with the world; I would also need to believe that I would be judged on this action as well, otherwise I would buckle to my own selfish desires and would fail. I believe it to be the right and just way, and that animals may be able to have the same worth as humans, and I'd definately do it for humans, as long as they kept me entertained.
Its interesting that this follows on well from the last comments.
How do you answer by the way?
Guy has option to save his own life by cutting out a key that has been surgically emplanted behind his eye, he must do this with a scalpel before the timer ends. Guy cant do it. Guy dies.
I think with enougth peer pressure I could just about be able to do it, as long as I could communicate and have some kind of interaction with the world; I would also need to believe that I would be judged on this action as well, otherwise I would buckle to my own selfish desires and would fail. I believe it to be the right and just way, and that animals may be able to have the same worth as humans, and I'd definately do it for humans, as long as they kept me entertained.
Its interesting that this follows on well from the last comments.
How do you answer by the way?