on Better Off Dead by wilco
8 Dec 2005, 5:25 AM
Could be much better. Lackluster. Not really but its the kind of comment you leave on even the pieces of work of others that outshine this. Getting back to reality, this is an aimiable piece with good flow, the modern language could have made it seem unorigional and cliched were it not for the rich abstract imagery.
on Irish Holliday by Dovina
8 Dec 2005, 2:28 AM
Its the kind of thing that I might think was really deep and amusing after 8-9 pints of Guiness
on Look Who's Talking by OneFingerAnswer
8 Dec 2005, 2:02 AM
You've chosen in my mind the worst poetic form barring haiku's to present this, the form is so highly repetitive that I cant rate this poem for the skill that it takes to write such a beast, and can only condemn it for the chosen form (which has distracted me from the work even more in this case than is usual). When will people learn that nothing good can come of this evil.
replying on Count All the Stars by TLRufener
8 Dec 2005, 1:27 AM
But what would inspire a man to do all that?
replying on Count All the Stars by TLRufener
8 Dec 2005, 1:25 AM
I could knock a script up to do this, and get it to learn from the results relatively easily, then you could just copy and paste the piece. Either that or I could populate a dictionary, perhaps inserting whole poems at a time. In fact I might stick it on my website.
replying on Shoebox Thoughts by BrandonW
7 Dec 2005, 11:34 AM
My problem with them is that I like to experience a poem for a while without embarking on an epic length tale of woe and mellodrama, haikus deny me that, in that they are so short they summarise the poem and leave out the detail and the beauty. I am generalising a lot here to get my opinion across, but this is the way I see it.
replying on Count All the Stars by TLRufener
7 Dec 2005, 6:58 AM
Ere zodiac, does this cliche counter actually exist, or would it not make a good website? i find it hard to believe that anybody could be bothered to type all of this out, but on the otherhand I cant find it on google.
on Count All the Stars by TLRufener
7 Dec 2005, 6:47 AM
I have to agree with zodiac here. You've exhibited line after line of phrases that are used commonly to beg for sympathy or to dwell in pity, and so I think that justifies zodiacs complaint.
I think perhaps due to lack of clarity on my part you are likening this and "Dark's Nest" to metallica songs since they use repetition and simple dark vocabulary; however if you care to look, there is a lot more going on in these than an expulsion of anger to a few grinding riffs, and I think you have missed this. In order to express the picture as I wish to express it, the piece needs to contain each of the concepts involved. The only verse that is of extra length is the last, and this is to exaggerate the final nature of the last line; I would not consider reducing this in size. I have found haku's and short poems cute, but generally they provoke only one idea, and are over before you have had a chance to get into reading the piece, so you are advocating that style to the wrong ears (unless you can come up with examples that will allow me to reconsider)
on almost missed work by calliope
6 Dec 2005, 2:50 AM
Cute, nothing more, nothing less... for that reason I dont particularly like this, but have had an enjoyable read, that I will forget quite quickly I am sad to say.
on laugh again by skaskowski
6 Dec 2005, 2:47 AM
Too much to think about for me to want to dive in and try to understand it (especially in the morning).
on mask; an infidelity by FreeFormFixation
6 Dec 2005, 2:44 AM
Pleasantly Confusing
on Shoebox Thoughts by BrandonW
5 Dec 2005, 1:57 AM
Unusual for a haiku to put such a quaintly demented picture across, pleasurable to experience. I have to agree with zodiacs comment though, haiku's irritate me, they seem like poems that could be so much more.
on Through the channel by amanda_dcosta
5 Dec 2005, 1:53 AM
Excellent Flow (not quite water tight) and the image of the pull from left to right was intensely and clearly put. I dont think I needed to hear the last two verses though, and I think it could end on "calling me back to do repair".
on Light within darkness by Caducus
5 Dec 2005, 1:50 AM
nicely meloncholly sentiment, but sadly void of other aspects of poetry (rich language, structure, rhythm, rhyme, assonance...)
on Duff firs, Nawal by zodiac
5 Dec 2005, 1:37 AM
What it spears with potency it lacks in elegance.
on Indian Song by ALChemy
28 Nov 2005, 5:30 AM
After reading the comments below, Ive been looking for all sorts of hidden patterns... but nothing so far, otherwise it seems kind of like good ole hoe-down.
replying on The Dreamhole by cyan9
25 Nov 2005, 7:08 AM
Its from I time when I had just discovered the use of embedded rhyming schemes in order to propell listeners through the poem. It is something made more for other people to hear, rather than for me to read. My criticism of it is that it uses too many rhyming words, and could do better with a bit of assonance, it is also quite difficult to understand what it is about.