on Celui by half.italian
15 Feb 2007, 9:08 PM
Thanks. I wish I had her back.
on Leg by jessicazee
17 Feb 2007, 3:55 PM
I love your poetry.
on Complaints by jessicazee
15 Feb 2007, 9:21 PM
I really like it. I see something clearly. Dad comes home from hard work, to a child who wants to play. He just can't handle children being children when he's tired.
I could be off, but it works for me.
I could be off, but it works for me.
on Friday's Monday's June by Enkidu
15 Feb 2007, 9:28 PM
It's just fun to read.
on a self-conscious lack of denial by nentwined
15 Feb 2007, 9:37 PM
Southern Comfort always brings me spirit wisdom.
on A Part of Me by Quarton
12 Feb 2007, 9:15 PM
I like it overall. The puncuation and grammar errors throw me off though. If you are going to use form to help your poem, use it to make it more readable. The form here makes it harder to read I think. Also, "with my beliefs though, I can no longer take refuge in them knowing" This sentence is grammatically incorrect. I think :)
on some deleted poem
12 Feb 2007, 9:06 PM
I tend to like more rhythm and fewer, more precise words in poetry. That being said, it is a story well told.
on A New Deal by oneglove
23 Feb 2007, 4:53 PM
I like it. Sounds like a Dylan song.
on cold war by Dental Panic
5 Mar 2007, 9:06 AM
I think you could stay with the analogy through the last line. Don't give it to us. I got it right away. Nice poem.
on some deleted poem
7 Mar 2007, 9:18 PM
It doesn't have an obvious name to me. I tried for about ten minutes, but it's obvious I'll need to let this one stir in my brain for a bit.
on some deleted poem
19 Apr 2007, 7:07 PM
No reason to put "(child abuse)" in the title. We get that. For your next one try to come up with an analogy that describes the situation, but relating to a different object/setting.
on Pink BAlls by EAger to Offend
19 Apr 2007, 7:08 PM
7 for the laugh.
on Always there by holliebollie_19
19 Apr 2007, 7:11 PM
Kinda nice.
on Makin' Bacon by NICKDRP
19 Apr 2007, 7:16 PM
Kinda reminds me of a Dr. Suess.
on The Corner Tavern by jessicazee
18 Apr 2007, 1:18 PM
I see it.
on some deleted poem
24 Apr 2007, 1:16 AM
In the future, will you please use 'cunt' to describe a woman, and 'fuckface' to describe a man
on Rap? Hip-hop? What has this thing become? by DreamerSupreme
24 Apr 2007, 12:50 AM
Normally the title would turn me off from this. Maybe I'm just in the right mood, but I can see this as a song. A good mix of street and smart.
I like alot of this, but you should work out the words a bit more in places I think. These two lines broke me from the read "How Stalin was one fucked-up looney." and "We thought nuclear weaponry was fun and amazing,"
There's always a place for a good "fuck", but it just cheapens your poem here. There are rarely good places for "fun" or "amazing" in poetry. "acidic reality" is a bit easy too.
It also doesn't come around to the punchline smoothly. Maybe another stanza before, or just flesh out the Hiromshima stanza to bring it home.
I really like:
"Red went with blue and white,
And I desperately wanted to be Chinese,"
There's always a place for a good "fuck", but it just cheapens your poem here. There are rarely good places for "fun" or "amazing" in poetry. "acidic reality" is a bit easy too.
It also doesn't come around to the punchline smoothly. Maybe another stanza before, or just flesh out the Hiromshima stanza to bring it home.
I really like:
"Red went with blue and white,
And I desperately wanted to be Chinese,"