replying on Fighting For Peace (is like) by Skamper
29 May 2007, 5:40 AM
sometimes you just hit it...thanx
replying on Ode to Jack by Skamper
29 May 2007, 5:37 AM
Well kind of an ode, only in the sense it's a dedication I guess. I know what your saying with internal rhymes giving a kick and work the flow...I will work on this, when I get over myself...a week or so should do it...
replying on Ode to Jack by Skamper
29 May 2007, 5:34 AM
thanks..."chained in their vanity" - hmmm...I can see it working in my head...wanna look? Can't explain it any other way, maybe except to say that most poets refuse to learn, thinking what they write is as vivid as van gogh's Irises, when in reality they dabble with fingerpaint...*shrugs*
replying on Ode to Jack by Skamper
24 May 2007, 11:27 PM
I thought there was some, and alliteration, and assonances. I confess to not editing this at all. I would appreciate any input given, if you can see where this needs work let me know pls. With that said I don't want to lose the 'feel' of lamenting spontaniously about the lack of true poetry.
replying on Ode to Jack by Skamper
22 May 2007, 3:32 PM
I've only just discovered Jack, and all he stood for. Thanx for the input...
on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina
22 May 2007, 3:22 PM
Cows will be cows and nothing more - which seemed to irritate the cyclist, to the point of internal dialogue where the cyclist attempts to free them from a fence that obviously doesn't bother the cows, for they have all they need exaclty where they are. Did the cyclist also feel the cows disdain for one who would expand energy so uselessly - as the next hill offers nothing but the same as the last? I like this, and think it needs nothing but the use of imagination in the reader.
This senryu caused quite a discussion in our house (yes, slow day). With many conclusions being formed on the use of the word -satchel. In your first write I had thought he was executing her, the language you used has softened with this re-write, and I think you had called her a survivor. The title dragged our minds to WW2, where the use of a satchel was widespread, from medics to children.
He cries â her death breath
Whispering - quiet, my love
He holds her satchel
It's hard to write with anothers thoughts, and I am still a little confused - all good tho - not everything needs an explanation, some writes are made to make you think..
He cries â her death breath
Whispering - quiet, my love
He holds her satchel
It's hard to write with anothers thoughts, and I am still a little confused - all good tho - not everything needs an explanation, some writes are made to make you think..
on Snow by MacFrantic
19 May 2007, 4:31 PM
I felt the ice
on My Soul Cries Out by amanda_dcosta
19 May 2007, 4:21 PM
There's a lot of this kind of poetry out there - standing out is a challenge.
"And erase those emotions that cause me to
Be disappointed in you."
A clever line - a definate keeper
"And erase those emotions that cause me to
Be disappointed in you."
A clever line - a definate keeper
on Bookshop girls by Stephen Robins
19 May 2007, 4:15 PM
Bookshop boys are a tiresome lot
Corduroy trousers
And a spotted bot
Corduroy trousers
And a spotted bot
on Fraser Allonby Quidnam Cruris by Stephen Robins
17 May 2007, 1:56 AM
LMFAO...So that's who ate all the pies!
Looove this...
Looove this...
replying on the magic rock by nypoet22
17 May 2007, 1:44 AM
I don't like quoting others to justify a write. I liked this much better the first time around.
The last stanza is brilliant...
Also - I do love the way the quote ends...a little ambigiously (spell check), the way I read it Bush is named as the evil. *S*
The last stanza is brilliant...
Also - I do love the way the quote ends...a little ambigiously (spell check), the way I read it Bush is named as the evil. *S*
on garden spite by skaskowski
17 May 2007, 1:37 AM
Somehow this makes me feel naked.
on behind the banister by FreeFormFixation
17 May 2007, 1:35 AM
Chilling.
Lyrical and a little mad.
Lyrical and a little mad.
on Portrait of the artist as [insert adjective] by Nicholas Jones
17 May 2007, 1:31 AM
Charming self portrait.
replying on View From The Gutter by Skamper
17 Apr 2007, 3:21 PM
Tell me what hasn't been done before? Don't we just inhale, and exhale the same stuff, hoping to maybe create smoke rings or balloon animals to wow the audience? *sigh* so jaded are the onlookers...
into a thousand glassy pieces,
like the sparkly spray from
sneezing in the sunlight."
My fav description - and like these lines, movement and colour follows in every thing you've written.