on Her by Sasha
30 Mar 2007, 4:23 PM
Fast life, fading fast. The third stanza stands out for me, seems I can almost grasp this and then it flows away. Sometimes that's the best bit about reading anothers poems, how the meaning is just out of reach, yet there is an understanding. Nice write.
on You can't send love to a voicemail. by drnick
30 Mar 2007, 4:13 PM
Loving the title, so direct and harsh!
Last line throws me a little though, not sure why, but if I replace 'just wait' with 'hang on' I get it to flow better. Plus it ties in with being on the phone if you know what I mean?
Last line throws me a little though, not sure why, but if I replace 'just wait' with 'hang on' I get it to flow better. Plus it ties in with being on the phone if you know what I mean?
The title has no bearing, it was a random choice as I was titling this piece someone mentioned Llamas...I was/am lazy.
Slide your new tongue between the cracks ties in more with what is written after than before it. I agree with the 'the' in line two and have adjusted it on my own copy. thanks for reading.
Slide your new tongue between the cracks ties in more with what is written after than before it. I agree with the 'the' in line two and have adjusted it on my own copy. thanks for reading.
replying on The Finding by Skamper
30 Mar 2007, 3:58 PM
Portentious? Meaning they are literally that, a search and a finding? Hmmm...That's exactly what the writes are about. I think this poem needs nothing, it works for me. There isn't anything lurking behind shadows, it's all there...a little scrambled but I like my ideas that way.
replying on Paper Maker by Skamper
30 Mar 2007, 3:52 PM
LOL...Arid Air..isn't it though!! If we all stop using cliche's how long will it be before they become 'cool' and we can use them again?
replying on Paper Maker by Skamper
30 Mar 2007, 3:50 PM
Thankyou, I follow what you mean now. I write how I talk, I know thats a really bad cop-out, but that is how I do things. I like your revision and maybe it will help me in the future...
replying on The Search by Skamper
30 Mar 2007, 3:46 PM
I get it! You don't get it! Understandable I guess...too hard to explain everything. It is what it is. Grammar and syntax have nothing to do with this, it's written with inner rhythm and left open to interpretation. Your last comment comes close to what I was trying to say, but I'm guessing that wasn't the intention.
odd - odd eyes
Darwin awards - too late for the stupid woman as she is pregnant
it - the deafness of my cat - caused by odd coloured eyes, or the fact he's pure white
three legged dance - he demanded the dance, which is to say, he called his three legged cat over to show me...
Anyhooo...thanx muchly for taking the time to read and pass comments...it is appreciated (this and the finding are connected, I lost two cats in 3 days...one came back-poisoned)
odd - odd eyes
Darwin awards - too late for the stupid woman as she is pregnant
it - the deafness of my cat - caused by odd coloured eyes, or the fact he's pure white
three legged dance - he demanded the dance, which is to say, he called his three legged cat over to show me...
Anyhooo...thanx muchly for taking the time to read and pass comments...it is appreciated (this and the finding are connected, I lost two cats in 3 days...one came back-poisoned)
on A twisted Trail in Edenâs Garden by Dovina
24 Mar 2007, 8:51 PM
Choices and hindsight, glimpses of hidden possibilities all written here. Not 100% sure of the meaning, but I appreciate what it brings to me.
on Guarded Fool by drnick
24 Mar 2007, 8:39 PM
Love this! So stringent, seems to hold form of a rhyme scheme then loses it, excellently played out, not only in words but in the way the mind tries to be bound by form, only to lose it and let it flow...make sense? I usually don't...
on the magic rock by nypoet22
24 Mar 2007, 8:35 PM
You could lost the 'but'...always seems a way of apology for what went before. Very clever write, and one to hang on the mind for a while.
on Hairball by jessicazee
24 Mar 2007, 8:31 PM
Nice images, well I say nice because it appears without force, as for the actual image..real nice!
replying on The Finding by Skamper
24 Mar 2007, 8:27 PM
Vague? Yes-I guess I am. The Search and The Finding are connected. I appreciate your review and honesty, which is why I decided to join. As for the guff, a word I haven't heard sinse the old country-but I have a nice pile of it handy. Many thanks.
replying on Paper Maker by Skamper
24 Mar 2007, 8:16 PM
Over-prepositional? Not a clue what you mean by that. Indulge me please, for I am ignorant.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Thanks for reading and commenting!
on Thinking for you by J.B. Manning
23 Mar 2007, 9:52 PM
Just Out! Standard answer...
did you forget the 'e' in slime?
did you forget the 'e' in slime?
on Whispers the Pariah by Enkidu
23 Mar 2007, 9:41 PM
Nice/twisted/descriptive and fast!
I like the suckling as it feels like the shore is a parasite on the mountains it washes upon.
Not sure about using 'from' in the line...bursts from within...Reads just as well without, humble opinion only.
I like the suckling as it feels like the shore is a parasite on the mountains it washes upon.
Not sure about using 'from' in the line...bursts from within...Reads just as well without, humble opinion only.
on The Small Ones by Dovina
23 Mar 2007, 9:34 PM
Middle-age takes another step toward the doddering of those past thinking, while the young, who survive become the wise - all heads now nodding.
Fabulous write and imaginative story-telling.
Fabulous write and imaginative story-telling.
on Oliver by Stephen Robins
23 Mar 2007, 9:12 PM
Self wrapping is easiest, less costly if you can grasp the ribbon with one hand and teeth...