on "The Buick", or, "to my grandfather" by david
11 May 2002, 10:48 PM
I'm not a catholic, but I'm pretty sure "Buick" isn't slang for penis.
on Loneliness by Cha no Onna
11 May 2002, 10:38 PM
Look at me, I'm a vampyre: FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP
on The Beggar by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
11 May 2002, 10:30 PM
Most of your poems aren't very funny. This one is.
remember HATE THE AUDIENCE. We laugh when you're angry and we're angry when you laugh.
remember HATE THE AUDIENCE. We laugh when you're angry and we're angry when you laugh.
on Ode to a Red Trashcan by nentwined
11 May 2002, 10:10 PM
I'm sitting, but I will judge, and, in so doing, I will make you a blue trashbin.
on Pixie Wings And Rose Petals by onlyontuesdays
11 May 2002, 10:05 PM
I'm calling your bluff on this one, cheeky devil.
on Stars In My Eyes by onlyontuesdays
11 May 2002, 10:00 PM
Decent image content, but it is wasted in the self reference. Try removing all references to yourself and try replacing the concept of (your) him with something like that-special-someone-we-all-have-you-kno
And see if ending the poem with the broken lines from the center does anything.
And furthermore you don't love me, you're just in love with my po-ems.
And see if ending the poem with the broken lines from the center does anything.
And furthermore you don't love me, you're just in love with my po-ems.
on Standards by skaskowski
11 May 2002, 9:36 PM
You are a pompous ass and I want to have your children and yet at the same time I want to cut your hands off and steal your keyboard.
Bra
vo.
Bra
vo.
on So Shall I For You by onlyontuesdays
11 May 2002, 9:35 PM
The rythm lacks the weight of the meaning- I suppose I would liken the sentiment in this poem to that of a raver saying the same words.
Be as specific in intent as you can. Either speed it up (by making it more repetetive or by making the meaning unrealistically timeless/universal) or slow it down, to let it span some time.
I think three's a good number to use (you use "forever" to start 3 lines), since we divide time into before now and after. Which is three things.
Be as specific in intent as you can. Either speed it up (by making it more repetetive or by making the meaning unrealistically timeless/universal) or slow it down, to let it span some time.
I think three's a good number to use (you use "forever" to start 3 lines), since we divide time into before now and after. Which is three things.
on No other limericks? by gothwalk
11 May 2002, 10:44 AM
UHUuhhh
-s: awkward, confusing
+s: this works in a limerick...although it's hardly catchy. Try some sexual innuendo in the last line.
-s: awkward, confusing
+s: this works in a limerick...although it's hardly catchy. Try some sexual innuendo in the last line.