on A Brand New Eye by EAger to Offend
13 Jul 2003, 12:29 AM
Interesting.
on The Search by OneFingerAnswer
13 Jul 2003, 12:28 AM
I think it should be
Plugging one gap only to seal(find) another
as it is it doesn't make much sense. On the whole it is a bit repetitive in the second half
Plugging one gap only to seal(find) another
as it is it doesn't make much sense. On the whole it is a bit repetitive in the second half
on Afraid to love you by lil cindy lu who
29 May 2003, 8:09 PM
Very nice
replying on Cliche by Blue Magpie
29 May 2003, 8:08 PM
Well actually I won't post it because I have done my three for this week. But here it is.A Rainstorm Over Angeloâs Cafe
(18/5/2003)
To live, is to be part of all that lives.
To feel within your soul the greater beat
of beauty in a world spread at your feet,
and be ennobled by the joy it gives.
The distant hills, greyed by the Summer rain,
the thunder telling tales of hidden might,
the swallows as they flick their magic flight,
the cat watching the sparrows peck at grain,
contribute in their own entrancing ways
to bless the moment and its joyous kiss,
that leaves a lingâring memory of bliss,
and stirs my mind to symphonies of praise.
A momentâs peace, felt, yet best defined
less by whatâs there, than by whatâs left behind.
(18/5/2003)
To live, is to be part of all that lives.
To feel within your soul the greater beat
of beauty in a world spread at your feet,
and be ennobled by the joy it gives.
The distant hills, greyed by the Summer rain,
the thunder telling tales of hidden might,
the swallows as they flick their magic flight,
the cat watching the sparrows peck at grain,
contribute in their own entrancing ways
to bless the moment and its joyous kiss,
that leaves a lingâring memory of bliss,
and stirs my mind to symphonies of praise.
A momentâs peace, felt, yet best defined
less by whatâs there, than by whatâs left behind.
replying on Cliche by Blue Magpie
29 May 2003, 8:03 PM
Hi Horus,
Yes 10, its called Iambic pentametre, five iambic steps so that you walk through the rhythm of the lines da dum all the way. The rhyme scheme makes this an English or Shakespearean sonnet Rainstorm over Angelos cafe which I will post in a minute has a different rhyme scheme and is an Italian or Petrachian sonnet
Yes 10, its called Iambic pentametre, five iambic steps so that you walk through the rhythm of the lines da dum all the way. The rhyme scheme makes this an English or Shakespearean sonnet Rainstorm over Angelos cafe which I will post in a minute has a different rhyme scheme and is an Italian or Petrachian sonnet
replying on Migrating Storks by Blue Magpie
29 May 2003, 8:00 PM
OK I see what you are saying, but perhaps lives, in a sentence structured like that it should be began, the was keeps the tenses correct and allows me to use begun.
on Plastic Posies by BleedingRose
28 May 2003, 8:51 PM
As a poem there are a few hiccups in the metre but it was delightful never-the-less.
on The other side of a rainbow by thepinkbunnyofdoom
27 May 2003, 8:39 PM
Not bad imagery here. I like it.
on A Summers Day In Stolen Eden by Mr Pig
27 May 2003, 8:37 PM
The LSD trip at the beginning was interesting but the second part of the poem was much more poetic.
on I Am(Defined) by lil cindy lu who
27 May 2003, 8:34 PM
I wouldn't go throughing things in the trash bin, the idea of defining yourself in a poem is OK, just work on it, some poems take a lot of reshaping you just have to keep at them.
replying on Para Metres by Blue Magpie
27 May 2003, 8:27 PM
Ahhh Thanks.
replying on Para Metres by Blue Magpie
27 May 2003, 8:26 PM
replying on Para Metres by Blue Magpie
27 May 2003, 8:26 PM
Ahhh thanks.
replying on Para Metres by Blue Magpie
27 May 2003, 8:23 PM
I have and here it is tweaked, I hope.
In Paraguay the peon raises,
in parallel his palms and praises,
the paramour that gives him light,
the paradigm that shifts his sight,
parading dream-like parenthesia
through parasoltic paramnesia.
The paranormal paralyses ---
saner souls live through disguises.
A fact storm in an empty mind;
and logorrhea saves the blind
informivorish parasites
devouring life in mega bites.
Did paratroopers paragliding
park your thinking in a siding,
for paralytic wills partaking,
of the fantasies theyâre making?
Apparently, reports a journal,
such apparitions are quite normal.
Within the mind where parallax is
there often follows parataxis.
Then paraphrasing parakeets
pronounce in parabolic tweets
like paragons gone paranoid
some parashah you must avoid.
A paraclete that lives in locks
might help you find, among these rocks,
some paradise in paradox;
some freedom from the ticking clocks,
and for your future, in a box,
some trousers and a pair of socks.
In Paraguay the peon raises,
in parallel his palms and praises,
the paramour that gives him light,
the paradigm that shifts his sight,
parading dream-like parenthesia
through parasoltic paramnesia.
The paranormal paralyses ---
saner souls live through disguises.
A fact storm in an empty mind;
and logorrhea saves the blind
informivorish parasites
devouring life in mega bites.
Did paratroopers paragliding
park your thinking in a siding,
for paralytic wills partaking,
of the fantasies theyâre making?
Apparently, reports a journal,
such apparitions are quite normal.
Within the mind where parallax is
there often follows parataxis.
Then paraphrasing parakeets
pronounce in parabolic tweets
like paragons gone paranoid
some parashah you must avoid.
A paraclete that lives in locks
might help you find, among these rocks,
some paradise in paradox;
some freedom from the ticking clocks,
and for your future, in a box,
some trousers and a pair of socks.
on Hold That Pose by Wulf
26 May 2003, 10:43 PM
Very interesting, nice work
replying on Para Metres by Blue Magpie
26 May 2003, 10:34 PM
Thanks for the read and the vote. I still don't know what concrete means as a poetic category
on Activating your Infinity by horus8
25 May 2003, 3:57 AM
Quite an interesting story, reading the comments is almost as much fun.
replying on Para Metres by Blue Magpie
25 May 2003, 3:49 AM
What is concrete
A little repetitive on the New Forms bit.