on appropriation by nentwined
21 Dec 2020, 6:40 PM
lovely!
on From Then Till Now by Jeremi B. Handrinos
21 Dec 2020, 6:35 PM
Liked it! Sadly, relate to it...
on The Pig Roast by Jeremi B. Handrinos
21 Dec 2020, 6:32 PM
Intense. Moving.
Powerful description, strong ending.
Powerful description, strong ending.
on Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
21 Dec 2020, 6:30 PM
LOVED the line:
"The sun had just yoked"- original and excellent!
Some seemed a little lackluster: the lines"whales were sick too" and a little trite: "I saw no foot-steps home"--The first two stanzas are fresh and hardhitting. Rest of poem did not match that power.
"The sun had just yoked"- original and excellent!
Some seemed a little lackluster: the lines"whales were sick too" and a little trite: "I saw no foot-steps home"--The first two stanzas are fresh and hardhitting. Rest of poem did not match that power.
on Deja Vu by Jeremi B. Handrinos
21 Dec 2020, 6:26 PM
Loved some of your lines:
especially
"sky will keep, and the sea, it sleeps; "thoughts I thumbnailed to cork board" and "giant redwoods, so old/committed to reach, and be firm"
Felt some of it (especially beginning) did not mesh with the rest, which was like a progressive story of a life. Might be better to start with second stanza, greater impact that way. Possibly?! Like your ending.
especially
"sky will keep, and the sea, it sleeps; "thoughts I thumbnailed to cork board" and "giant redwoods, so old/committed to reach, and be firm"
Felt some of it (especially beginning) did not mesh with the rest, which was like a progressive story of a life. Might be better to start with second stanza, greater impact that way. Possibly?! Like your ending.
on Angelic Fornication by The_Third_Isis
21 Dec 2020, 6:22 PM
This moved me. I felt the pain.
on Spinning, reeling by ecargo
15 Jan 2007, 8:32 PM
It's hard to make decent poetry from heart felt anger over war and politics- not a bad effort-
on Sky All Around Me (goddess edit) by ecargo
15 Jan 2007, 8:27 PM
Full of light and grace and airiness- lovely to read!
on Window Washer (midtown) by ecargo
15 Jan 2007, 8:26 PM
very lyrical
on fox and hounds by nentwined
15 Jan 2007, 8:07 PM
doesn't make it for me-
some nice images, but did not jell-
some nice images, but did not jell-
on The cat who would fly by nentwined
15 Jan 2007, 8:05 PM
parts too unclear,
i liked the last 3 lines-
with paper of my face- don't use a metaphor if you won't develop it or DId you mean Off my face, as Dovina asked--
i liked the last 3 lines-
with paper of my face- don't use a metaphor if you won't develop it or DId you mean Off my face, as Dovina asked--
on a love not meant to be by nentwined
15 Jan 2007, 8:02 PM
has some charm
on word splatter by nentwined
15 Jan 2007, 8:00 PM
feels very real.
on dit da haiku by nentwined
15 Jan 2007, 7:57 PM
someone had to write it!
on standing outside the door by nentwined
15 Jan 2007, 7:51 PM
The "don't bug me" I take it refers to the other person waiting to get into the bathroom, named in the title-
on knowledge building on knowledge by nentwined
15 Jan 2007, 7:49 PM
doesn't do it for me-
on Recognition by nentwined
15 Jan 2007, 7:48 PM
I liked this a lot!
Could see an easy progression type poem-
next stanza: Benefiting two..
Could see an easy progression type poem-
next stanza: Benefiting two..
on clay or mud (hertz donut version) by nentwined
15 Jan 2007, 7:38 PM
An unfinished piece---