on Too Tired for a Title by woodstock20000
9 Jun 2005, 10:26 AM
Things will work out once you fill that empty pot with alcohol. Just look at me!
on he's leaving by eliznhaz
7 Jun 2005, 8:32 AM
I think it's kinda sweet in an innocent way. You could stand to lose the "leave" in line 2 and "I'll want to die" in the last line. Maybe something less cliche and dramatic than 'cry and I'll want to die." But your poem is not a waste of a read.
replying on Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
7 Jun 2005, 8:18 AM
No. D, you are not funny the way DAPI is. He has the ability to joke while being intensely serious. Maybe I just don't get your humor. You seem to need to feel superior or, at least, equal to everyone on poemranker in your comments. Were you once a slave? BTW- I don't mean slave in the sense that you are a woman and, therefore, have been under the thumb of the entire male half of humankind. This site is called Poemranker not Poetranker. Many folks here try to trump each other's comments rather than try to write a better poem. "Good poets can write bad poetry." Personal attacks on this site generally get in the way of helpful criticism of the poems. After all, we're just here to help each other become better poets. Right?
PSYCH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
PSYCH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
on Smoky Mountain High by Dovina
6 Jun 2005, 8:52 AM
The real differnce between the first stanza and the second is what the people at each place are seeing. In the second stanza all of us in LA are watching the bloody, red sun on television. Who goes outside in LaLaLand before sunrise? Oh yeah, sanitation workers, hookers going home to shootup and go to sleep and cops. Personally, I Tivo the 6 AM news just to see the sun.
on Fair Warning by cockmage
3 Jun 2005, 8:36 AM
Bad limerick. How does picked rhyme with kid, Mockmage?
on Horatio by april fool
26 May 2005, 8:15 AM
In Los Angeles, Whore-ratio to Johns is an important factor in discerning the economic health of business around bridges and industrial parks. Right now the Horatio is in custody pending arraignment for solicitation of a police officer for an unnatural act (he asked LAPD to arrest a black guy without beating the shit out of him) I don't think Horatio will make it "virgin intactae" for his court date.
on Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
25 May 2005, 4:44 PM
DAPI you are funny.
on Kerri & Terri by jessicazee
24 May 2005, 8:50 AM
Ah...nostalgia! Pass the catsup and don't forget to bring in the wash off the line after dinner.
on To Making Do by Dovina
22 May 2005, 11:03 AM
A lot of talking to yourself on this one, Dovina. Is that a sign of a sound mind? It seems a bit of a "brag." Maybe I just envy you your last stanza. My poem would end in opposite tone. -8- For lording your freedom over an oppressed mass--Me.
on Moments (or) Suicide by Dovina
8 Apr 2005, 4:11 PM
Are grading your life on strict percentages or are you willing to use a curve?
on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina
8 Apr 2005, 4:07 PM
It's good but I want ten acres and a mule before I'll let myself forget what "you people" did to those people
on Make Music in Your Heart by Dovina
28 Mar 2005, 11:10 AM
"if in your heart a melody sings
and you the one in debt
and part of the reason I write now"
Good thought but the tiniest editing on these lines would help the flow. -9- for now.
and you the one in debt
and part of the reason I write now"
Good thought but the tiniest editing on these lines would help the flow. -9- for now.
on The Symbol by Dovina
24 Mar 2005, 7:16 PM
"Skull & Cross Bon Mots"
on Reasonably Good by Dovina
22 Mar 2005, 7:55 AM
Let's not get personal here. I was born the year of the Rat. There is no year of the dove only the Cock. Which will you extol?
on Clouds by dancin_n_da_moonlite
17 Mar 2005, 8:22 AM
This style of creating a mood followed by quick jab of insight at the end is very enjoyable.
"I like the clouds.
I want my head,
in the clouds,
My job is..."
Would make you sound more certain of your conclusion but might ruin the mood. -10-
is in the clouds.
"I like the clouds.
I want my head,
in the clouds,
My job is..."
Would make you sound more certain of your conclusion but might ruin the mood. -10-
is in the clouds.
on Thinking by dancin_n_da_moonlite
16 Mar 2005, 8:22 AM
You are. Maybe that will be enough. If I were writing this one I would have screwed it up at the end with some trite comment about someone passing the joint or bottle over to me. Good thing you wrote it instead.
Writing helps to set us free
Do you feel better when you take away hope?
Sometimes people are just starting out
You don't always know what others are going through
the way that you write cuts like a knife
you criticize because you can't cope
words can hurt
Do you feel better?
Why?