| Re: As I lay by Katie |
31-Jan-03/12:42 PM |
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In my opinion this is too much just a letter. Split the lines a bit. I agree with brokenwing, this does have potential, but I don't think that this is fully complete. Keep at it.
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| Re: a comment on Love spank by Shardik |
31-Jan-03/12:38 PM |
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WHAT!!! You mean you don't do the office worker? Or the 'teacher'? Shame on you, shame on you...
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| Re: a comment on Beauty, sleeping by Ranger |
31-Jan-03/12:30 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Beauty, sleeping by Ranger |
30-Jan-03/11:24 AM |
Hey, let's get all the brit pack to sign here! I think I know at least half of them at college!
Any suggestions for the poem as per which lines are good and which are bad?
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| Re: Small Town Tavern by NinjaPoet |
30-Jan-03/11:21 AM |
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Wonderful ending. 'bsolutely wonderful.
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| Re: Cant sleep, clown will eat me.(A poem about clowns) by lunar |
30-Jan-03/11:19 AM |
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He's only got a blank look cause he reads so much fucking Lao-Tzu. It's his own damn fault.
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| Re: a comment on Love spank by Shardik |
30-Jan-03/11:17 AM |
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| Re: a comment on The Sunset Blvd. Cabbage limericks by Shardik |
30-Jan-03/11:12 AM |
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| Re: The Sunset Blvd. Cabbage limericks by Shardik |
30-Jan-03/11:11 AM |
Kerrrazzeeeee...eee...ee..e
Hey, if you want to see weird poetry, mine's weird. Also Doyetevsky, whatever his name is does strange stuff.
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| Re: a comment on unsent by Bill Z Bub |
30-Jan-03/11:09 AM |
Here, I gave y'a nine but I can't vote no more votes so you'll have to get other people to vote.
I saw some of your artwork on your homepage & it's even better than your poetry. You are just the kind of talented bastard I hate. I HATE YOU, YOU TALENTED BASTARD!!!
heh, heh, heh...I don't really hate you-as if you needed me to tell you that
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| Re: a comment on unsent by Bill Z Bub |
30-Jan-03/11:05 AM |
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I say this is miles better than a three. I also say that this is one of those poems people can relate to and I love your poetry. Grand work.
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| Re: Someone by brokenwing |
30-Jan-03/11:00 AM |
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I feel that this is trying to be both emotive and, er, casual (that's the best way I can find to describe it), for instance "sharing in my life" and "people think I'm cracking up" don't really give it any definitive air. However, it's got potential if you'll keep working at it, decide how you want it to sound and then edit it. I also felt that there are a few strained cliches here-that's no real crime, my first poem I submitted (The North Wind) was full of them, that's life. On the plus side, I thought there were a few great lines, especially the last two.
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| Re: Love spank by Shardik |
30-Jan-03/10:44 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Guilt by Freethinker1602 |
29-Jan-03/11:10 AM |
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Where did you pull that from? I see no racism, but then again, I did just look directly into a light bulb, which might have impaired my vision somewhat...
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| Re: a comment on Hermes Trigamestus (was not a monk edit) by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
28-Jan-03/12:22 PM |
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| Re: Pandora's box by Lynn |
28-Jan-03/12:18 PM |
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Um, I don't get it yet. Nice writing in places though. Perhaps I'll have another reread and come back again.
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| Re: a comment on Mom And Dad by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
28-Jan-03/12:08 PM |
Bad manicure! Wonderful!!! I love you razorgrin.
Look, pinkbunny person, I just read your other two, and I've already left a comment about the style. I think everyone's in agreement that teen angst doesn't make for good poetry, and if you want people to take you seriously then you need to at least try to write serious poetry. Even if it isn't any good, people will feel more inclined to give help to a serious work than to a pointless piece of rage. As miss zzinnia said to me, it's the people who give you criticism that will make you a better writer (mostly). Try something new, there'll always be people who will give you good advice.
Anyway, you should love your parents. Unless they beat you or something.
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| Re: early morning write by crimzon |
26-Jan-03/12:03 PM |
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| Re: one moment to the other by nentwined |
26-Jan-03/12:02 PM |
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Very enjoyable read. It's definately confusing at first, but after a couple of times I've got the hang. Nice one. 8
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| Re: House of Pain by Goose |
26-Jan-03/11:57 AM |
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'House of Pain', isn't that a French bread shop?
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