on Fly by etherealmaiden
17 Mar 2004, 11:14 AM
The rhythm of the the first verse I like.
The other verses are too predictable however and the rhyme cower with power is absurdly forced.
The other verses are too predictable however and the rhyme cower with power is absurdly forced.
on Wash Your Hands... by Blindpoetry
17 Mar 2004, 11:16 AM
No particularly good lines, but the experimentation with style is interesting, and almost comes off.
on Men & Forget me not's by Mona Lisa
18 Mar 2004, 1:30 AM
Good, like the first verse especially. Sounds right, metaphor carried through.
Don't really understand the final line though.
Don't really understand the final line though.
on some deleted poem
18 Mar 2004, 1:36 AM
Loses its way a bit with the longer verses in terms of rhythm, but overall this is really good. Especially the first two verses. Reminiscent of Auden's lyrical poems.
Personally with something like this, I would stick to a rigid pattern of sounds from the first verse template.
Personally with something like this, I would stick to a rigid pattern of sounds from the first verse template.
on To all the assholes.. by KaytiaraFaith
18 Mar 2004, 11:23 AM
Do you see what you have done here. You have written a poem making ill thought out comments on other peoples poems 'nonsense... disguised as poetry'
Directly after you have stomped your feet because 'a few idiots made stupid comments' about yours.
Directly after you have stomped your feet because 'a few idiots made stupid comments' about yours.
on some deleted poem
20 Mar 2004, 4:03 PM
Mothers day today - Happy Birthday? Alzheimers - a connection.
on Senseless Murder by Sapphire2589
20 Mar 2004, 4:09 PM
Needs better research. I am not believing the murder thingy
on some deleted poem
23 Mar 2004, 3:40 AM
If you gotta go you gotta go. You are excused.
on Mixed Posture by Blindpoetry
23 Mar 2004, 7:11 AM
Like the crazed ramblings of a schizophrenic. i.e. too fragmented to make sense. Has a certain energy though.
on some deleted poem
23 Mar 2004, 7:18 AM
A square IS a rectangle. A bit vague, lines like 'I m here but not there. I m there but not here' don't really mean much to me.
on urge purged by caffrey
23 Mar 2004, 7:24 AM
Like the flow and sounds.
Too many abstracts stated without showing the reader what you mean, jealousy, bitterness, envy, grief etc.
Also 'in jealous shoes' sounds very forced.
Too many abstracts stated without showing the reader what you mean, jealousy, bitterness, envy, grief etc.
Also 'in jealous shoes' sounds very forced.
on March Madness by jessicazee
23 Mar 2004, 7:27 AM
The verses don't seem to follow on, and I agree with hypatia on the great small thing.
A few nice descriptions in there.
A few nice descriptions in there.
on Dissenting voice by richa
23 Mar 2004, 11:32 AM
Just to clear things up, the first verse is not a quote, I would have credited a quote. The marks were just to signify an outside voice.
on some deleted poem
23 Mar 2004, 2:48 PM
'uninhibited by social normatives' somehow does not belong in a poem.
couldn't you get him to drink your beauty first?
you've started smoking?
infantile roses?
couldn't you get him to drink your beauty first?
you've started smoking?
infantile roses?
on some deleted poem
23 Mar 2004, 2:55 PM
Nice flow and image. Is it important that we do not know who the 'he' is until the last few verses?
on Quiet Lakes by Fear of Garbage
23 Mar 2004, 3:03 PM
Like I can read korean and symbols on my wrists and the idea of poison from a mercury thermometer.
A couple of picks:
No real need for 'I wonder if this site has spoiled me' the symbolism works without.
Don't really understand how this follows on: 'Instead of dancing, Getting drunk and throwing up, There are imaginists.'
A couple of picks:
No real need for 'I wonder if this site has spoiled me' the symbolism works without.
Don't really understand how this follows on: 'Instead of dancing, Getting drunk and throwing up, There are imaginists.'
on some deleted poem
24 Mar 2004, 2:03 PM
The picture is ace. Although it does kind of look like jesus is wearing a mini-skirt.
on Fishing Trip by darkshark
25 Mar 2004, 5:17 AM
Neatly done
on Love in Winter Storage by Russell
25 Mar 2004, 5:21 AM
Quite a nice sound (apart from the sings/distemper stings forced rhyme).
Not sure sparrows lurk though.
Not sure sparrows lurk though.
with wit. For the occasional jig
a stain-glass motif dress
kept up in the loft. A tin whistle
for Andrea, (usually plain Andy).
And a flag:
Orange, green and white, to barter
a jar from the bartender, a laugh.
This St Patrick's