on Nightshades by Bachus
19 Jan 2003, 7:30 AM
Bravo, sir!! A difficult form to master but you have done so in this gem. Personally, I don't even attempt to write vilanelles. Much too stuctured and very hard to write without sounding forced. A ten.
on My Mamma's Hands by amateurR
14 Jan 2003, 9:16 AM
Very descriptive and excellent imagery. Loved the second stanza.
This rates a high mark.
This rates a high mark.
on Please President Bush, Save Me From My Adolescence by mogwai
14 Jan 2003, 9:18 AM
Your sarcasm is great. Right on the mark with this one.
on Nightshades by Bachus
19 Jan 2003, 7:36 AM
Forgot to ask...Just what brand of aquavitae are you referring to? I might try some if it isn't over 100 proof. Hell, I'll try some regardless. The stronger the better.
on Small Town Tavern by NinjaPoet
30 Jan 2003, 5:31 PM
Sounds like a dangerous dude. Those
mushrooms jusr don't mix with boose. He shoulda read the warning label. A solid 8.
mushrooms jusr don't mix with boose. He shoulda read the warning label. A solid 8.
on some deleted poem
30 Jan 2003, 1:46 PM
Geeez! If you would have squeezed
the damn lemon juice on the scampi,
you coulda been somebody.
the damn lemon juice on the scampi,
you coulda been somebody.
on No more tears, or trail by Bachus
24 Jan 2003, 8:14 AM
Yes, Manifest Destiny. Its all ours
because we say so. Slaughter the
Indians and fight the Spanish and
it's all OK because we say so. And
I fear Bush has the same thoughts,
just the country has changed. A
solid 9 for causing me to think.
It's all OK because we say so.
because we say so. Slaughter the
Indians and fight the Spanish and
it's all OK because we say so. And
I fear Bush has the same thoughts,
just the country has changed. A
solid 9 for causing me to think.
It's all OK because we say so.
on some deleted poem
24 Jan 2003, 8:03 AM
What is the "it?" It can be anything the heart desires or that
which we are most afraid of..or unsure of or..the answer we seek but know we will never find but strive for..simply because there's not a hell of a lot of options. I liked the mood of this and the last stanza is perfect. Different
and a poem to ponder.
which we are most afraid of..or unsure of or..the answer we seek but know we will never find but strive for..simply because there's not a hell of a lot of options. I liked the mood of this and the last stanza is perfect. Different
and a poem to ponder.
on some deleted poem
24 Jan 2003, 8:27 AM
This is great. How could it be
rated a 5? Very zen like in the
telling and I loved the ending.
I didn't know Maya had a mom but
the comparison is right on. I
really must atone for scribbling
on the new wallpaper in the
kitchen...with a black crayon!
Sorry, mom. A nine.
rated a 5? Very zen like in the
telling and I loved the ending.
I didn't know Maya had a mom but
the comparison is right on. I
really must atone for scribbling
on the new wallpaper in the
kitchen...with a black crayon!
Sorry, mom. A nine.
on mornings, january by <~>
24 Jan 2003, 8:34 AM
Seems kind of mundane for a haiku
but perhaps I am missing something.
Still, not bad and better than a
four. Hell, thinking about it,
everything is mundane to a greater
or lesser degree.
but perhaps I am missing something.
Still, not bad and better than a
four. Hell, thinking about it,
everything is mundane to a greater
or lesser degree.
on Trespasser at the Men's Bathing Pond by Christof
21 Jan 2003, 9:28 AM
I like this. Very original and good rhythm. The form is different, using 6 lines per stanza and a couplet rhyme scheme.
Interesting piece and deserves a high number.
Interesting piece and deserves a high number.
on A Gift of Beauty... by loneshadow29
21 Jan 2003, 9:34 AM
A bit too mawkish for my taste but I am sure some will like it. Also, too many cliches like:
your radiant beauty....
melt with only your smile....
dark sea of turmoil....
gaze upon your beauty....
etc...etc.
your radiant beauty....
melt with only your smile....
dark sea of turmoil....
gaze upon your beauty....
etc...etc.
on some deleted poem
21 Jan 2003, 9:42 AM
Closer to prose than poetry but that is fine in free verse. It progresses nicely and I liked the tone and rhythm which is quite irregular but reads well. I especially liked the ending.
on A little song by kawakurdi
19 Jan 2003, 6:56 AM
Not bad. Short and sweet. Typo in last line. For ever should be forever.
on lost dreams by dylansong
19 Jan 2003, 7:19 AM
I liked this but it needs editing. Too much redundancy and needless fill words. One example:
"Night turning today, day to turning to night....The day dreams turning into nightmares....The cycle of madness never ending....Every day starting over and over....
Perhaps this would work better:
"Night turning to day; day to night....Day dreams becoming nightmares....The cycle of madness never ending....Each day like the one before...." If tightened a bit, the makings of an excellent poem.
"Night turning today, day to turning to night....The day dreams turning into nightmares....The cycle of madness never ending....Every day starting over and over....
Perhaps this would work better:
"Night turning to day; day to night....Day dreams becoming nightmares....The cycle of madness never ending....Each day like the one before...." If tightened a bit, the makings of an excellent poem.
on some deleted poem
14 Jan 2003, 9:13 AM
Not a pretty picture you paint but I liked this. A bit of redundancy and you might consider deleting the following:
Line 5..."back"
line 8..."all"
Line 9..."just"
Line 16..."of you"
Minor stuff but, IMO, it would read better with the above deletions. I enjoyed the read.
Line 5..."back"
line 8..."all"
Line 9..."just"
Line 16..."of you"
Minor stuff but, IMO, it would read better with the above deletions. I enjoyed the read.
on A Man Of The World by vulcan
14 Jan 2003, 9:03 AM
Hmmm, interesting poem. I am honestly at a loss as to your exact meaning and would like to hear from you before rating it. I have an idea as to intent but still not sure. I am intriged by the mood and voice of this piece. Regards....and did you receive my e-mail reply?
on DID YOU EVER? by emrldeyz79
14 Jan 2003, 8:56 AM
Too mawkish in content. A bit of subtlety would help. It currently reads like a Hallmark card and the message offers nothing new. Sorry but this just doesn't work for me.
on Small Town Tavern by NinjaPoet
30 Jan 2003, 6:40 PM
Right on! And don't forget
"the attached disclosure."
"the attached disclosure."