on When by OneFingerAnswer
5 Sep 2002, 11:06 AM
nicely done. lovely morbidity. cool.
on moon rants by bluwiz
16 Aug 2002, 7:11 AM
It is as full of potential as any I've seen. tighten the language (like cutting out superfluous words such as "just"--a poem never needs the word "just", and you've got a sure winner here. very fresh.
on Bloody cow by ==Doylum
16 Aug 2002, 5:26 AM
as to the last comment--you owe reality nothing! aside from the fact that this poem is very weak, your last response tells me that you've restricted yourself in the world of reality--sacrifice that for the sake of the sounds in the poem. Giving an attitude to a valid critique will only serve to flaunt your amateur status and alienate you from the people who actually car about these types of things.
on School girls lovely school girls by ==Doylum
16 Aug 2002, 5:22 AM
there are some disrupted rhythms here (such as "anywhere" in 2nd to last line),you've got a potentially good sounding poem, as long as you don't let your pervesrion cloud your craft. (and it is "memories")
on When I Sleep Alone by Jody Conn
15 Aug 2002, 8:38 AM
I'm sire you meant "envelop"--unless you were planning to mail them somewhere :)
on haunting by abecedarian
15 Aug 2002, 8:36 AM
decent words--perhaps you could toy with the line breaks to make it even better.
on The Cherub Bird's Love Song by RWAndersen
15 Aug 2002, 8:30 AM
trite, and not a freeform poem
on The Cherub Bird's Love Song by RWAndersen
15 Aug 2002, 8:30 AM
trite, and not a freeform poem
on Clit by unknown
14 Aug 2002, 9:32 AM
the title ruined this "poem", but the last line doomed it to be recognized as an obvious attempt at perverted silliness.
on High? Coo... by Modulo
14 Aug 2002, 9:19 AM
I suggest getting rid of the title. it takes away from your poem, and (traditionally) haiku are untitled.
on Haiku by Cha no Onna
14 Aug 2002, 9:16 AM
may work better as freeform--the images are nice.
on Birth by DevilTmptrss
14 Aug 2002, 9:12 AM
traditional and sweet. nicely done.