on The Thought Of It by Christof
16 Jul 2003, 2:30 PM
Although this is not my favourite of yours it is another fine example of your knack for taking the real and the possible and making them one.
on Aluminum Xena - Prima Ballerina by SupremeDreamer
15 Jul 2003, 2:43 PM
It's so slim that I feel guilty suggesting that you slim it down. But "...the skirt of a scrap yard ballerina named xena..." is just more flashy. Punch me if economy is wrong for this, but it seems that you're half way there already. "Naive pixies/ beware" is awesome. "Innocent..." is redundant, I think.
An 8 on great images alone. But it could be better yet.
P.S. Thanx for your comments on my stuff. I appreciate the honesty about Sorry Romance.
An 8 on great images alone. But it could be better yet.
P.S. Thanx for your comments on my stuff. I appreciate the honesty about Sorry Romance.
on Memoirs of a Monk - St. Screamer by SupremeDreamer
15 Jul 2003, 2:25 PM
I like how the layout looks like a lightningbolt\excamation point. Must...re-..read...
replying on The Umpteenth Home by EAger to Offend
14 Jul 2003, 12:12 PM
Thanx for the comment and the 8. If you read A BRAND NEW EYE you will understand why it must be vague. Only, I wish that some one would take the stab to deciphering it. I want to know if my abstractions can be translated. Ultimately, if they can't then I have failed and must try again.
replying on The Umpteenth Home by EAger to Offend
14 Jul 2003, 12:07 PM
I've taken no offence. In fact I've come here for education and don't intend to spurn your help. "Molten arcs" is fantastic by the way and I'm presently working on a poem using arc as an electric/emotional term. Now I have to one-up you on the "molten".
on unsent by Bill Z Bub
13 Jul 2003, 8:25 PM
I really dig that a love poem can be clever, and dark, and NOT too sappy. Take my breath and take my tongue are great requests for a kiss.
I'm sorry, you are mistaken. This is not your best work. But it might be, tomorrow. 9
I'm sorry, you are mistaken. This is not your best work. But it might be, tomorrow. 9
on Extra Strength Tylenol by DurtKL
13 Jul 2003, 4:41 PM
No, It's not mind-bending in it's originality. But, it is well done. Can't we all just get along. *sniff*
on Some Things by Christof
13 Jul 2003, 4:14 PM
Where can I get your book? I can't stop reading your stuff and the computer screen is killing my eyes!
I've felt that!! The puckering lung, both physical and emotional. Dead serious and hilarious at the same time.
Giving you tens (and here's another one) is screwing the bell curve, so just post some substandard work as therapy for your writer's block and everything will be just fine!
Giving you tens (and here's another one) is screwing the bell curve, so just post some substandard work as therapy for your writer's block and everything will be just fine!
on Pilgrimage by Christof
13 Jul 2003, 3:55 PM
Yeah, the third verse needs refining, I think. May I suggest: "...Like a TV at bedtime my shadow shuts down." Although I could see one resisting to that near-rhyme.
on Instructions to a Sculptor by Christof
13 Jul 2003, 3:41 PM
This is stunning. Truly, the best poem I've read on this site. I'm suspicious: either we have a cheat among us or just a truly great poet.
I can't imagine where those zeroes come from. This is a 10 above other 10s. To me it's the benchmark of the site.
I can't imagine where those zeroes come from. This is a 10 above other 10s. To me it's the benchmark of the site.
on i will not come to bangladesh by lost in america
13 Jul 2003, 3:33 PM
This poem is a lesson in conjuring images with words. I have signed up for the course and my cheque is in the mail.
Only, something in the end "feels" awkward. The brevity of "...only to drown", I think.
I may disagreee with myself after another read or two, though. 9 for the feelings. Encore!
Only, something in the end "feels" awkward. The brevity of "...only to drown", I think.
I may disagreee with myself after another read or two, though. 9 for the feelings. Encore!
on missing time by Bill Z Bub
13 Jul 2003, 3:25 PM
Well, this is humbling. The first read didn't thrill me but, the imagery brought me back...several times. Now it's "in my head like a song".
I try to give constructive criticism but, there's nothing I can offer that would improve this fine piece.
I humbly solicit your critiques, Mr. 10.
I try to give constructive criticism but, there's nothing I can offer that would improve this fine piece.
I humbly solicit your critiques, Mr. 10.
on The Search by OneFingerAnswer
13 Jul 2003, 2:24 PM
Lines 3 and 4 fuck up the rythm and rhyme (another w/ forever?), as well as the meaning (what's the dif between seal and fill?).
Elsewise, I liked it. 6
Elsewise, I liked it. 6
on In the Vicinity of Dreams by Blue Magpie
13 Jul 2003, 12:12 PM
I love that kind of incidental, displaced rhyme. "...beneath the weeds/ for what she needs..."
Nice work. My 7 is for establishing a mellow mood without a hint of boredom.
Nice work. My 7 is for establishing a mellow mood without a hint of boredom.
on Ode to a Pizza Hut Roach by http://mulberryfairy
12 Jul 2003, 4:42 PM
Very cool. I have always thought that noone else but I could sympathize with insects.
The stanza refering to roaches as innocent, uncorrupted lives worthy of saving was perfect.
8's Ahoy!
The stanza refering to roaches as innocent, uncorrupted lives worthy of saving was perfect.
8's Ahoy!
on A Sailors Bottle Message by SupremeDreamer
12 Jul 2003, 4:10 PM
No, It's sad.
Are you suicidal, masochistic, or just pissed off.
Are you suicidal, masochistic, or just pissed off.
9 ifI may.