on Polyester Mustache by Bachus
8 Apr 2004, 4:32 PM
boring?
on A Little Further by thepinkbunnyofdoom
8 Apr 2004, 4:40 PM
divits -> divets
through out -> throughout
I like the idea, less so the execution. With four lines, the second is awkward and the fourth is just a tongue twister.
through out -> throughout
I like the idea, less so the execution. With four lines, the second is awkward and the fourth is just a tongue twister.
on La théologie pour les Politiciens by wilco
8 Apr 2004, 4:44 PM
hilarious. some of them are definitely weaker than others (#2, #4, #5). But, you know, just hilarious. :)
on merry-go-round by thing1
8 Apr 2004, 4:56 PM
cute, but not very interesting.
on Knuckle Bait by niyama
8 Apr 2004, 5:39 PM
cute, but a little awkward towards the end.
on if only i could tell by nolan
8 Apr 2004, 5:42 PM
"inner tissue of my soul" seems out of place, though it inspired me to write a short something that I can't post because the guy who runs this place is too much of a nazi and I already posted one thing today. But, moving on--
surronded -> surrounded
overall, this poem reads very awkwardly for me, and doesn't say much new for the path it treads.
I like the last four lines the best.
surronded -> surrounded
overall, this poem reads very awkwardly for me, and doesn't say much new for the path it treads.
I like the last four lines the best.
on moment in time by calilegzzz
12 Apr 2004, 12:26 PM
"cool crips breeze" had me thinking this was an entirely different poem for the first three lines (well, there was uncertainty after the first line ended, and serious doubt after the second...)
"nights" should be "night's". "raceing" is "racing"
I don't understand "which arouses yet another thought you..."--is that supposed to be another thought _of_ you?
'moment in time' is one of my favorite phrases, but it doesn't seem like you really did anything with it here but tack it on at the end, almost like this was an assignment to "write about a moment in time".
I'm afraid that this poem reads to me as one cliche after another--pretty words, but the same words everyone else has used to describe the exact same thing. I think you could explore the moment and metaphors a bit more to try to find something novel.
"nights" should be "night's". "raceing" is "racing"
I don't understand "which arouses yet another thought you..."--is that supposed to be another thought _of_ you?
'moment in time' is one of my favorite phrases, but it doesn't seem like you really did anything with it here but tack it on at the end, almost like this was an assignment to "write about a moment in time".
I'm afraid that this poem reads to me as one cliche after another--pretty words, but the same words everyone else has used to describe the exact same thing. I think you could explore the moment and metaphors a bit more to try to find something novel.
on China, Silver, and an Emerald Lipstick by Enkidu
14 Apr 2004, 5:08 PM
cute.
on some deleted poem
14 Apr 2004, 11:57 PM
points for the idea, less so for execution and seemingly overbalanced zealotry without apparent intended irony.
on some deleted poem
17 Apr 2004, 6:31 PM
Nice image, but the 'stills' bugs me. Is it just stopping now, or has it been stopped? If the first, maybe a comma after? If the latter, ...?
on Metametahaiku by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
18 Apr 2004, 11:41 PM
very cute.
on Do You Like It by hotwire
19 Apr 2004, 1:42 AM
dr. seuss meets 2livecrew. Hmm.
your should be "you're" in the last line.
your should be "you're" in the last line.
on Let's Let the Flies In, Thomas by NanceXToo
19 Apr 2004, 4:10 PM
I agree with zodiac's comments here.
on The Return by doug_soderstrom
19 Apr 2004, 10:29 PM
actually kinda cute. reminds me of strongbad.