on nentwined gets nasty by Johnnie Baptiste
19 Sep 2003, 9:23 AM
wyrd to yo mudda.
on A Haiku Haiku by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
18 Sep 2003, 10:43 AM
very interesting form. it took me a few to get what you'd done. actually, a few more than that, really. almost a minute or two of unrelated thoughts until it popped in (oh).
as for the content. cute, mostly amusing. 8 for ingenuity and the mostly amusing.
as for the content. cute, mostly amusing. 8 for ingenuity and the mostly amusing.
on on the edge of creation by nentwined
18 Sep 2003, 7:40 AM
as a note, this is part of a "poem a day for 100 days" challenge. so if it's particularly lacking, that could be why. I'm posting the (probably 1/10 as things draw on) few that I think might have a chance at redemption.
on An Illuminator by hobojo
17 Sep 2003, 6:16 PM
eh?
7 for confusing me because I'm tired of giving out 4's.
7 for confusing me because I'm tired of giving out 4's.
on Strung Out On Sunlight by J.B. Manning
17 Sep 2003, 6:17 PM
some nice ideas. I don't feel the flow lends to the feeling of sleep deprivation (even though it may have been created by such; I could find much of one)...
on some deleted poem
17 Sep 2003, 6:18 PM
Whoohoo! 9.
on some deleted poem
17 Sep 2003, 6:20 PM
screw the rhythm (gently?) I like this. =) [[okay, a little work. but 9 as stands]] I guses that's the mood I'm in?
on Up for a game? by LuckyJoe
17 Sep 2003, 6:21 PM
cute imagery, flow I think could make this really nice. 7.
on lament and retrograde by Don-Quixote
17 Sep 2003, 6:22 PM
I like 'too proud to scrawl' (as elsewhere read), though then the wheelchair might need something to replace it.
interesting, though. :) 7.
interesting, though. :) 7.
on reflexion - dayspring to dusk by DreamerSupreme
17 Sep 2003, 6:24 PM
pullulating?
has a good tone/rhtyhm/feel. 8.
has a good tone/rhtyhm/feel. 8.
on some deleted poem
17 Sep 2003, 6:15 PM
'viberant' -> 'vibrant'
I'd split the stanza at 'back/Now' and 'forgotten/Now', to leave less confusion. I like the gimmick a bit, though the content is... well, "it's a stage we all go through".
I'd split the stanza at 'back/Now' and 'forgotten/Now', to leave less confusion. I like the gimmick a bit, though the content is... well, "it's a stage we all go through".
on some deleted poem
17 Sep 2003, 6:20 PM
Ask who?
on by jessicazee
22 Sep 2003, 6:11 PM
:snaps fingers:
on under my skin by bitter
22 Sep 2003, 6:14 PM
I think this could make a very interesting painting; you definitely got enough imagery there. I stumble for cadence on the second line.
If I had a 'personal favorites' section implemented, this would be added to it just for the picture I'm seeing. On the off chance that I'd try to paint it someday. meanwhile, I'll just make a note to myself on skwerms.org. :) 7, still, for its slight awkwardness, and I don't see it going over an 8, for content. odd, that.
If I had a 'personal favorites' section implemented, this would be added to it just for the picture I'm seeing. On the off chance that I'd try to paint it someday. meanwhile, I'll just make a note to myself on skwerms.org. :) 7, still, for its slight awkwardness, and I don't see it going over an 8, for content. odd, that.
"and live in fear all the while" has stresses in the wrong places. "gotta learn to defend" is missing a syllable. and same with "all your junk 'til the end"--but that you can just make "until" and it's good to go. (btw, till is used in "to till a field"), the one you're wanting is the shortened form of "until". the apostrophe replaces the "un", and there's no need to add an l.
beyond that... nice, simple poem; with rhythm tweaks, I think this would be solid, and in any case is good to get out of the system. :)
beyond that... nice, simple poem; with rhythm tweaks, I think this would be solid, and in any case is good to get out of the system. :)
on some deleted poem
22 Sep 2003, 8:20 PM
yep. really need to work on your flow on this one, too. the form of the piece is not conducive to persuasion, nor is the lack of punctuation. If you want to get your point across, with any poem, (or with any thing in life), you have to make your rant respectable. (or are we just flinging mud, here? why call this free verse and put it up for rating, when you can smear your lipstick all over the urinals in the "suggestions" area?)
If you are simply here in the hopes of having your ego stroked, your are more naiive than your years. If you are here for honest criticism... well, you might find some. I do my best, when I can find the time. But really, what can you expect from a site that touts itself as inspired by "hotornot"?
It is the internet. Hear it roar. It is ugly. It is fine. It's where I sometimes speak my mind. Some others simply scream and shout, roll in feces, and throw it out.
And if you're one of the regulars just pulling our chains, well, I just wasted several minutes coming up with this response. I hope you're proud.
If you are simply here in the hopes of having your ego stroked, your are more naiive than your years. If you are here for honest criticism... well, you might find some. I do my best, when I can find the time. But really, what can you expect from a site that touts itself as inspired by "hotornot"?
It is the internet. Hear it roar. It is ugly. It is fine. It's where I sometimes speak my mind. Some others simply scream and shout, roll in feces, and throw it out.
And if you're one of the regulars just pulling our chains, well, I just wasted several minutes coming up with this response. I hope you're proud.