on You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet
13 Dec 2005, 4:37 PM
boring.
replying on Duff firs, Nawal by zodiac
5 Dec 2005, 9:09 AM
Thanks for the mondegreen link. :)
I'm stunned by the poem.
I'm stunned by the poem.
replying on dit da haiku by nentwined
18 Nov 2005, 11:26 AM
I'd probably give it a five or a six. Cute gimmick.
replying on dit da haiku by nentwined
18 Nov 2005, 11:00 AM
I think a poem has to stand on its up-front understandability, so for the purposes of rating it--if you don't understand it, trash it. That's honest. That's how much value the poem has _for you_.
But just to satisfy any curiousity you might have, read it as morse code.
But just to satisfy any curiousity you might have, read it as morse code.
replying on dit da haiku by nentwined
18 Nov 2005, 10:52 AM
cursed, I tell you--cursed!
on This rage by Heather Dee
11 Sep 2005, 9:08 PM
threw -> through
why a comma in "free, of"?
I wish I had some constructive suggestions for you, but I'm coming off a caffeine jag.
It gets better in time, but I don't know how.
I'm just not finding a flow, the words come across as melodramatic and not quite connected, and the situation is a bit too... generalized for me to feel any connection.
why a comma in "free, of"?
I wish I had some constructive suggestions for you, but I'm coming off a caffeine jag.
It gets better in time, but I don't know how.
I'm just not finding a flow, the words come across as melodramatic and not quite connected, and the situation is a bit too... generalized for me to feel any connection.
replying on My addict by Heather Dee
11 Sep 2005, 9:02 PM
Some nice commentary by ALChemy. I don't really have anything to add.
on Letters to Silence by MacFrantic
30 Aug 2005, 1:02 AM
I think I'm too tired. I kind of like this. I might even be able to understand it.
I really think I shouldn't be able to understand it.
I really think I shouldn't be able to understand it.
on Present, tense by INTRANSIT
30 Aug 2005, 12:52 AM
hm.
why the apostrophe on its?
I'm seeing this as a puzzle, but I don't see the first bit of string to unravel.
I need something more to make it tense, and I'd rather it actually be in present tense.
Or I'm missing the cosmic joke, which would not be that unusual...
why the apostrophe on its?
I'm seeing this as a puzzle, but I don't see the first bit of string to unravel.
I need something more to make it tense, and I'd rather it actually be in present tense.
Or I'm missing the cosmic joke, which would not be that unusual...
replying on a love not meant to be by nentwined
28 Jul 2005, 7:33 AM
Hmm. Good question.
Perhaps it could have been, but it was rushed to the kiln with too much attention paid to the "now" of the coils, not enough of the base. The combing is applying a comb to the coils (it's meant to be a coil pot) to smooth the edges together and make a flat surface out of an inherently ridged one.
I'll try to give it some more serious thought when I wake up. :)
Thanks!
Perhaps it could have been, but it was rushed to the kiln with too much attention paid to the "now" of the coils, not enough of the base. The combing is applying a comb to the coils (it's meant to be a coil pot) to smooth the edges together and make a flat surface out of an inherently ridged one.
I'll try to give it some more serious thought when I wake up. :)
Thanks!
I suppose Hog implies Harley too strongly? Triumphs have three cylinders (at least, the thunderbird, and the speed triple... and I think everything else--it's their signature the same as Harley's Po-ta-to).
This is the first serious poem attempt in some time that's gotten consistently not-high marks. Good to happen. Hopefully I'll find something better in it.
This is the first serious poem attempt in some time that's gotten consistently not-high marks. Good to happen. Hopefully I'll find something better in it.
replying on you will feel by nentwined
25 May 2005, 4:26 PM
It continues, yes.
Thanks for the three. :)
Thanks for the three. :)
on soul searching by fair12
24 May 2005, 7:13 PM
pretty, but just sort of glides past.
on Drinking and driving by SILYLILGURL
24 May 2005, 7:12 PM
The onomotopeaia of the first line doesn't really work for me. Beyond that, this reads as the outline of a poem that covers tired ground, but could say it in an interesting manner.
on between you and me there is nothing by silvertongueddevil
24 May 2005, 7:08 PM
I don't get the "fragile oyster flesh". Beyond that, I think this does what it's attempting rather well.
on "I know what you need!" by A. Nomaly
24 May 2005, 7:07 PM
Umm. Haiku in spirit, esque, but. Hmm.
No, but I like it. I'd appreciate it a lot more if you'd gotten it into 5-7-5.
No, but I like it. I'd appreciate it a lot more if you'd gotten it into 5-7-5.
"master's molten steel whip" or "masters' molten steel whips"
though I can't really picture a whip of molten steel being very effective
I like what you're doing, but think it needs some grinding. Needs some sharper edges, maybe a bit more beat...
(forgive:
Nine to fiver, slammer, anvil-man!
Anvil-man that waits, still,
for the master's molten whip
and the blows of an ever-climbing load
of work;
Hold fast your shape as he wails the world
and clank your affirmation
as you have done since birth by casting. ))
The second works fairly well as it stands, perhaps.
Though, then, together, I don't get the cohesion of the piece. Why is the mill talking to the anvil? I'm only getting "You exist! I exist!", and I want something more from the exchange...
though I can't really picture a whip of molten steel being very effective
I like what you're doing, but think it needs some grinding. Needs some sharper edges, maybe a bit more beat...
(forgive:
Nine to fiver, slammer, anvil-man!
Anvil-man that waits, still,
for the master's molten whip
and the blows of an ever-climbing load
of work;
Hold fast your shape as he wails the world
and clank your affirmation
as you have done since birth by casting. ))
The second works fairly well as it stands, perhaps.
Though, then, together, I don't get the cohesion of the piece. Why is the mill talking to the anvil? I'm only getting "You exist! I exist!", and I want something more from the exchange...
on A stitch by EAger to Offend
24 May 2005, 6:57 PM
uses a few too many words, or perhaps the words it uses just aren't as effective as they could be. Simple statement, which in this case I think is good, but doesn't work for me. The horrible pop song reference in particular... Hmm. Make me _feel_ these things, describe them instead of name them, perhaps.