on Deaf by sav876
17 Dec 2002, 11:24 AM
a try. I like the sentiment of the last line and how it puts some twist on the rest, but... the rhymes feel canned, the rhythm flat...
on happy hour by Limness
17 Dec 2002, 11:22 AM
cubefarm. eh.
on Epitome of Pathetic by royalflesh
17 Dec 2002, 11:17 AM
cute. well done. :) 9
on Love is just a word by trev086
17 Dec 2002, 11:16 AM
love is definitely a word used too much. especially for poems.
I'd recommend trying to work on the rhythm of this piece so that it flows more naturally. (try reading it outloud and see where you stumble... count syllables and compare stress if you're really bored...)
beyond that, eh.
I'd recommend trying to work on the rhythm of this piece so that it flows more naturally. (try reading it outloud and see where you stumble... count syllables and compare stress if you're really bored...)
beyond that, eh.
on terrorism and break dancing by w~* ATHENA *~w
17 Dec 2002, 11:11 AM
I liked it up until "there was a summer I learned to like beer" -- that threw me off of the rhythm I'd build up, and... dunno, randomized everything else to dust.
replying on with no words to write by nentwined
17 Dec 2002, 11:06 AM
that works. :)
replying on killer boredom butterfly (esoteric) by nentwined
17 Dec 2002, 8:26 AM
:rofl: thank you. it's funny, I just made the couplet, then filled in the dots to see where lines were supposed to be, to try and understand the poem form, and... well... :)
replying on Music That Cannot Exist by Fetylum
16 Dec 2002, 10:52 AM
that's one way to do it. :) thank you for posting this to poemranker, btw, and I hope it serves you well.
on Music That Cannot Exist by Fetylum
16 Dec 2002, 10:36 AM
this is definitely strange, and makes me want to add a "comments from the author" section so folks can get what you're trying to say and give better feedback.
I really like the "plot" of this piece, and I like the device of interpersing dialog. Some of the images are a bit obscure for me to get, though it can be argued that that's a desirable thing.
I really like the "plot" of this piece, and I like the device of interpersing dialog. Some of the images are a bit obscure for me to get, though it can be argued that that's a desirable thing.
on sleep at 2:24 by blackball
6 Dec 2002, 7:07 AM
exlpoded->exploded
...
and I'm afraid I don't get it.
...
and I'm afraid I don't get it.
replying on dream dream dream dream dream by nentwined
22 Nov 2002, 12:18 PM
not speicfically, but generally yes. :)
on No recalculations needed by Bachus
13 Nov 2002, 1:15 PM
I actually like this. the last stanza seems a bit out of the blue, but all together it's nice.
on I Respect Your Feelings As A Woman And A Human by -=SeTTle=-
12 Nov 2002, 9:06 AM
replying on My Woman, My Lover, My Friend by -=SeTTle=-
12 Nov 2002, 9:03 AM
oops. because you weren't using cookies, all your information was in the sessionid as part of the URLs you sent me. la. I wasn't watching/thinking.
on My Woman, My Lover, My Friend by -=SeTTle=-
12 Nov 2002, 8:53 AM