| Re: Deaf by sav876 |
17-Dec-02/11:24 AM |
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a try. I like the sentiment of the last line and how it puts some twist on the rest, but... the rhymes feel canned, the rhythm flat...
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| Re: happy hour by Limness |
17-Dec-02/11:22 AM |
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| Re: Ever Felt by nightii |
17-Dec-02/11:19 AM |
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interesting. I'd like these three images to be more intertwined, somehow. 7
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| Re: Epitome of Pathetic by royalflesh |
17-Dec-02/11:17 AM |
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| Re: Swimming by [mojo] |
17-Dec-02/11:17 AM |
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I almost REALLY like this. :/ it doesn't flow pleasantly for me, but ... almost. 7
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| Re: Love is just a word by trev086 |
17-Dec-02/11:16 AM |
love is definitely a word used too much. especially for poems.
I'd recommend trying to work on the rhythm of this piece so that it flows more naturally. (try reading it outloud and see where you stumble... count syllables and compare stress if you're really bored...)
beyond that, eh.
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| Re: Seasons by impaired |
17-Dec-02/11:14 AM |
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sorry. umm. it's pretty, but I couldn't make my way through "yet another seasons poem" (though I know I'm also to blame for writing such things...) maybe if you clothed it more esoterically, or obfuscated it through stronger metaphor?
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| Re: terrorism and break dancing by w~* ATHENA *~w |
17-Dec-02/11:11 AM |
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I liked it up until "there was a summer I learned to like beer" -- that threw me off of the rhythm I'd build up, and... dunno, randomized everything else to dust.
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| Re: a comment on with no words to write by nentwined |
17-Dec-02/11:06 AM |
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| Re: a comment on killer boredom butterfly (esoteric) by nentwined |
17-Dec-02/8:26 AM |
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:rofl: thank you. it's funny, I just made the couplet, then filled in the dots to see where lines were supposed to be, to try and understand the poem form, and... well... :)
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| Re: a comment on Music That Cannot Exist by Fetylum |
16-Dec-02/10:52 AM |
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that's one way to do it. :) thank you for posting this to poemranker, btw, and I hope it serves you well.
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| Re: Music That Cannot Exist by Fetylum |
16-Dec-02/10:36 AM |
this is definitely strange, and makes me want to add a "comments from the author" section so folks can get what you're trying to say and give better feedback.
I really like the "plot" of this piece, and I like the device of interpersing dialog. Some of the images are a bit obscure for me to get, though it can be argued that that's a desirable thing.
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| Re: a comment on fragment by nentwined |
6-Dec-02/3:50 PM |
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:heh: what's the beep on the end for? :)
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| Re: sleep at 2:24 by blackball |
6-Dec-02/7:07 AM |
exlpoded->exploded
...
and I'm afraid I don't get it.
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| Re: a comment on dream dream dream dream dream by nentwined |
22-Nov-02/12:18 PM |
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not speicfically, but generally yes. :)
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| Re: No recalculations needed by Bachus |
13-Nov-02/1:15 PM |
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I actually like this. the last stanza seems a bit out of the blue, but all together it's nice.
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| Re: I Respect Your Feelings As A Woman And A Human by -=SeTTle=- |
12-Nov-02/9:06 AM |
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| Re: a comment on My Woman, My Lover, My Friend by -=SeTTle=- |
12-Nov-02/9:03 AM |
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oops. because you weren't using cookies, all your information was in the sessionid as part of the URLs you sent me. la. I wasn't watching/thinking.
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| Re: My Woman, My Lover, My Friend by -=SeTTle=- |
12-Nov-02/8:53 AM |
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| Re: a comment on can't by nentwined |
5-Nov-02/3:01 PM |
hmm, yeah. or even: "FUCK won't will not can't" to mirror the beginning some.
thanks. that "can" is a bit wussy after all that.
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