Re: Sophisticant by Bluesee	11-Aug-02/7:10 PM
The words really feel like they were pounded to fit the rhmye and meter you wanted; very awkward to read.
Re: ghost of one by crin	11-Aug-02/7:08 PM
one is always dying unless they're dead.
Re: Untitled by Piano	11-Aug-02/7:07 PM
cute. can't say as I liked it, but cute.
Re: Fire (a haiku series) by eviltwin	11-Aug-02/7:06 PM
I like the progression. I think historically haiku were supposed to be twinned with renga's to do something like this. (or something like that -- what do I know? :) I do like this.
Re: Pi by feelinglistless	10-Aug-02/12:32 PM
hm.. I want a little more out of this story (story; I don't see any poem about this other than the linebreaks every couple of words).
Re: Hands. by LucidRevelation	9-Aug-02/12:06 AM
that's some intense child porn you've got there. fairly well written, but... is that really what you were going for?
Re: The Seasons, Changes by Frass	8-Aug-02/11:57 PM
I think I like what you're trying to say, but I'm not sure exactly what it is (if anything). ... ... too confusing.
Re: kauri by itchiwitch	8-Aug-02/11:56 PM
Hmm. kauri sounds like it could be a tree. I don't know what else it would be, but from this it sounds very treelike. which makes the haiku essentially pointless. so I'll presume it's not a tree...? ... google search. nope, it's a tree. maybe I'm missing something else?
Re: Quincy Eye by albellisimo	8-Aug-02/11:54 PM
whafu?
Re: My ode to "the artist" by Agemo-Z	5-Aug-02/11:02 AM
re: DA. :rofl: You're right, Prince Arthas really is a dweeb. But I do like my death coil. as for this poem... hmm. weird. sorry, can't say much else.
Re: recent submissions by <~>	3-Aug-02/1:41 PM
beautiful. =)
Re: for Violet Jean by jay_dace	31-Jul-02/2:19 PM
no comma after "to which". the first bit is cute. the second bit really doesn't help the poem, I think. I also think this could be better expressed. I don't find myself drawn in.
Re: Porn by New Life Drug	31-Jul-02/2:17 PM
what does this have to do with porn? your grammar/spelling could use some touching up, but it seems like you're well into the world of teen angst.
Re: The Spankbox by Garrett S Sexton	31-Jul-02/4:46 AM
good flow. umm. I don't get "slaven". and "pain they devise" feels like one syllable too many. and I really don't get the hell what you're saying, if you are saying anything...
Re: Chuds in the mall by razorgrin	31-Jul-02/4:45 AM
this is really funny. :)
Re: Tate Street 1956 by wunboi	31-Jul-02/4:41 AM
this is rather sweet; I like the mood and the flow. I don't get why you call it a concrete poem, though -- don't see what you're getting at, there.
Re: Within A World by forestchild7	31-Jul-02/4:29 AM
the flow feels off for me; it would feel much more immediate, for instance, if "streaming past me in little patches of gold" read as "streaming past in patches of gold". (and so on...) a nice message, but I couldn't get into it as a poem.
Re: you're never alone by nentwined	30-Jul-02/10:54 PM
to horus -- uh, hrm? or is that payback for the poem?
Re: you're never alone by nentwined	30-Jul-02/10:53 PM
to settle -- yes, actually, I do. :)
Re: Meta by nentwined	30-Jul-02/10:53 PM
yeah. This poem was written in response to a greek philosophy class. I've read (most of) Godel, Escher, Bach... it really dragged on. Didn't care much for the treatment. :)