on Sylvania Wilderness by jessicazee
24 Aug 2007, 3:09 PM
I like the last line; their scents are a cliche in themselves, pre-packaged and all, and I like that you refused to acknowledge their other scent ingredients. How cliche is it,really, when perhaps 25% of the population use those products? When is it cliche, and when is it just statistically accurate?
replying on The Raw Vegan Potluck by peaceseeker
24 Aug 2007, 3:03 PM
I agree w/ Intransit, and think the last sentence is out of place. The food descriptions are vivid enough that is doesn't need to be structured this way.
replying on The Buiness Card by abecedarian
24 Aug 2007, 2:59 PM
Does poor spelling make him illiterate? That is such a constrictive definition of the word. If so, half of our fellow poets are. I think this is a real character who is being fairly and poetically represented.-10
on Church Propagation by Dovina
24 Aug 2007, 2:48 PM
I like the whole package, don't listen to the theist sheep.
on beef flavored ramen by ThePariahDog
22 Aug 2007, 6:18 PM
mmm-mmm good
on reptile by ThePariahDog
22 Aug 2007, 6:13 PM
Who gave this a zero and didn't comment? It is hard to work the word chitin into a poem! Nice mix of the literal and metaphoric: carpenter as god, carpenter ant, etc.
on Endless Battle by rahson_s
15 Mar 2006, 2:39 PM
I like the kind of manic feel of this, it makes it more convincing.
on Settling in by INTRANSIT
15 Mar 2006, 2:38 PM
nice, how about spring though? "its" should replace "it's"
replying on She Crab by http://mulberryfairy
10 Jan 2006, 9:08 PM
the too too solid flesh is an allusion to Shakespeare- it is about suffering- of being alive and in pain rather than dead and in peace. I think it was from Hamlet.
replying on She Crab by http://mulberryfairy
10 Jan 2006, 9:06 PM
I attempted to set it up with the title (SHE crab)- the crab is a she, but the child is noticeably genderless- never referred to with any pronoun.
replying on Untitled by http://mulberryfairy
10 Jan 2006, 9:03 PM
not that explaining it to you makes it explanatory enough to be a good read, but the thing is, dreaming his death protects "the narrator" from his having power over her (through her love for him).
on the light of a truly bright day by digipoet
10 Jan 2006, 8:31 PM
well done- we had one of those bright days today
on The chestnut by richa
10 Jan 2006, 8:30 PM
"Dates have become misaligned
or places"
I didn't get the "or places"
The rest is great.
or places"
I didn't get the "or places"
The rest is great.
seems like you are forcing some words in here for the sake of your meter- the poor tulip boy has poor taste "that" he loves... (for?)(as?)that doesn't seem to be the right definitive article. Ignoring your meter, I would take out the "that" completely, then remove the "ands" in the 3rd and 4th lines.
with neither purse nor name (why so many articles?)
I like the dichotomy of him loving his plot, but being on a wage- puzzling.
with neither purse nor name (why so many articles?)
I like the dichotomy of him loving his plot, but being on a wage- puzzling.
on Suck by MacFrantic
10 Jan 2006, 8:16 PM
whose dirge- I got lost there- she is dead and therefore belied to your aliveness?
on Window Washer (midtown) by ecargo
10 Jan 2006, 8:06 PM
mission accomplished- you made a mundane subject into a dance
replying on I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy
10 Jan 2006, 7:59 PM
good call, thanks
replying on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT
9 Jan 2006, 8:13 PM
where is your home? you run up and down the east coast, right?