on Dealer (a senyru) by Mona Lisa
15 Jun 2004, 3:25 PM
EXCELLENT. and you even called it the right name!
on some deleted poem
15 Jun 2004, 10:11 AM
cute. Yeah, I think it would be fine without the first 3 lines.
It doesn't need the Usama hook, really.
It doesn't need the Usama hook, really.
on some deleted poem
15 Jun 2004, 10:15 AM
Good use of the form. Think it could mean alot of things other that van gogh (even lots of painters) - and that takes away from it a little.
on Thin Blood by Rodavlas
15 Jun 2004, 10:19 AM
take the second half of the second verse and put the rest back into the word-pile.
And the last line could work too - just the idea of it; toasting bodyparts.
could make a memorable song - but not another suicide note.
And the last line could work too - just the idea of it; toasting bodyparts.
could make a memorable song - but not another suicide note.
on some deleted poem
15 Jun 2004, 10:23 AM
its like they have their own little mind, isn't it.
on The Stickmen of Fools by embersandenvelopes
14 Jun 2004, 10:12 AM
Reads fairly well - not entirely sure what it's about though. Feels like a venting somehow.
I like this idea of pouncing on something then the pouncer suffocating.
I like this idea of pouncing on something then the pouncer suffocating.
on Big wave by DR Limerick
13 Jun 2004, 2:45 PM
There once was a woman from Taigan
Who drew one hell of a floorplan
She met a man by shore
Though she found him a bore
He paid her again and again.
Who drew one hell of a floorplan
She met a man by shore
Though she found him a bore
He paid her again and again.
on some deleted poem
13 Jun 2004, 2:47 PM
hey - this is cool.
on Hiding by QuirkyWonder
13 Jun 2004, 2:50 PM
ahhhh, dat's chute.
on Untitled 48 by TLRufener
12 Jun 2004, 8:16 AM
Ahah! I know what it is! it is a "riddle". Or it could also be a pen.
on some deleted poem
12 Jun 2004, 8:23 AM
Dan, how many times do I haveta vote for this?
on some deleted poem
11 Jun 2004, 8:54 PM
Well IT, I like very much the use of cycloptic with the train - that feels fresh. But the billowing black smoke hasta be left at the station (get it! I make JOKE).
And not sure about click clacking cackophonic... doesn't seem to quite fit in this form.
Have a supremdreamer blessing of eight (at least until you quit blowing smoke).
And not sure about click clacking cackophonic... doesn't seem to quite fit in this form.
Have a supremdreamer blessing of eight (at least until you quit blowing smoke).
on The Ocean Prefers A Sunset by wilco
11 Jun 2004, 4:47 PM
nice word caryatids.
I like this - I think it would be better for the killing of some of the small words (the conjuctions and little preps - but I often say this).
I like this - I think it would be better for the killing of some of the small words (the conjuctions and little preps - but I often say this).
on some deleted poem
11 Jun 2004, 4:50 PM
I like haggard/swaggered and the pun with drug and undertow.
on fire has its own logic by impert&ent
11 Jun 2004, 4:53 PM
"interiority of computers" - interesting.
Some fresh ideas here, but the form is hurting it imho; got me thinking on it.
Some fresh ideas here, but the form is hurting it imho; got me thinking on it.
on some deleted poem
11 Jun 2004, 4:56 PM
The nuance of the spanish is lost on me, but I do like the sentiment (and I know you've spent a fair amount of time tweeking it - no, that's not a euphamism :).
on The daisy-chain girl by richa
10 Jun 2004, 6:00 PM
"do like [we do]"
the verb "to be" is a bit overdone here, R.
the verb "to be" is a bit overdone here, R.