Nice poem.

Give this a better title.

I don't get the paranthetical? I understand the nobilitty of grace.

I feel constipated.

Eggggcellent!!! You're one angry young cunt, and I mean that witht the highest respect. Awareness is key, says my brother. Out-doing pain?! Wow another two-fisted thought. Thanks for the ammo.

Interesting, especially if the reader is unaware of the situation. I think it's a perfect definition. It made me smile, that's always good.

I don't know if Anouk is a place or a flower, but I know what having a child is. Anouk must be lovely what ever it is.

Sexy. Well written. Trying changing 'dead-end hall' to just dead hall. That penultimate couplet's a killer. I like this fish, she's my kind.

Looks like a boyscout tragedy. Be prepared. Yeah, but nobody can prepare you for the 45 degree angle, legs spread above your head, vacuum cleaner with the thin pipe attachment suck.

Get rid of the future it detracts. Is that really what you would dream of, or would you dream of Gods & Monsters, some new efficient way of killing, getting off?

the first stanza is not nearly as well constructed as the rest, but once it gets going in the second it does not let up. Great images, what a brilliantly sexual and romantic language. I also want you to know that last line is far-reaching genius. Glad you came up with it. Bravo.

Oh me oh my. Best thing all day.

"She frogs when I'm all toady" what a fuckin' great line. I'm not sure what it means, but that's ok. this is one sublimely angry poem. Your one hot sister.

Fuck the ps, it's all about the corn. Gruesome and human. 3rd couplet, and of course the All-Powerful 1st line. Amen, brother.

The last stanza, you know, I mean, I'm totally serious about the corn, it's like, you know, 8 1/2 and those women at the end living in the house of his imagination, and she doesn't ant to leave eventhough she's old, and they all rise up with their brooms and laundry, it's like the corn, out of control and all over the linoleum floor.

Fucking brilliant, something so precise.

So...

The structure is good,

but

you
are
not
saying
anything
really.
Where
are
the
specifics.

Somewhere????? Tell exactly where.
'I loved her'? How???? Tell me what you did hold her hand.... walk her dog..... read to her grandmother..... lick her pussy......
I mean, come on, what's your story????

'she left me alone with my thoughts' so what?
what the fuck where you thinking? That's what I want to know. I can't think your thoughts, show them to me.

"I never meant to hurt her" Hoooooooowwwwwww did you hurt her? Scare her? Haaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooowwww? Don't tell me nothing, tell me something.

Again, the catch-alls...

chance
opportunities
a way
moment
emotion
conversation topic? (that's awful)
possible talk
dream

Can you be specific please. Pretend your writing a news article, just the facts.

I got it. Today, after too little sleep and a cup of coffee and a hit of the remedy, I got it, and it was crazy and beautiful to see.

poetry

You must be handsome.