Re: forgetful dyke by elizabethann	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	15-Apr-04/4:30 AM
Your parents suck blended cock milkshakes.
Re: forgetful dyke by elizabethann	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	14-Apr-04/11:03 PM
Depressing, but I see the picture and shouldn't get all mommy-like on you.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	14-Apr-04/11:19 PM
The spacing used in this does not work on my computer. It's all mixed up and hard to read.
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 66.92.183.34	14-Apr-04/11:57 PM
points for the idea, less so for execution and seemingly overbalanced zealotry without apparent intended irony.
Re: On the Discovery of Cheez Wiz/The Day I Fell Off the Earth by MacFrantic	oftherealm 4.138.25.95	15-Apr-04/12:19 AM
why not change all the s's?
Re: Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac	zodiac 152.30.60.199	15-Apr-04/4:42 AM
I would just like to say that it hadn't occured to me until this moment that a sestina has only 6 lines per stanza, not 7, and so the whole idea is shot. But then, for me, the question "What were you on when you wrote this?" wouldn't be strictly rhetorical.
Re: forgetful dyke by elizabethann	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.86.113.159	15-Apr-04/5:24 AM
Haha! Good one! MEDIOCRITY CHECKLISTE [_] AABB rhyming scheme [_] Arbitrary indentation [X] Arbitrary line breaks [X] Clerical errors [_] Ellipses used overabundantly [_] Lower case only [_] Internet shorthand / emoticons [_] Repetition of a word or phrase ad nauseam [X] Devoid of rhyme [X] Devoid of other linguistic embellishments (alliteration, etc) [X] Devoid of other literary devices (metaphor, synaesthesia, etc) [X] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery [X] About drugs [_] About romantic love [_] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] About writing [_] Cliched imagery (tears falling like rain, angel in heaven) [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above, heart/apart) [_] Sounds like dialogue in a fantasy novel [X] Melodramatic [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Concerns the author's social pastimes [_] Leaving rant [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Smugly-named protagonist [X] Sanctimonious [_] Untitled [_] Gushingly religious [_] Obsessed with femininity [X] Rage against the machine [X] Self-obsessed -11-
Re: forgetful dyke by elizabethann	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	15-Apr-04/6:18 AM
cute - enjoyable vignette.
Re: On the Discovery of Cheez Wiz/The Day I Fell Off the Earth by MacFrantic	MacFrantic 204.98.23.83	15-Apr-04/6:58 AM
I only changed the s's that have the "z" sound.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 152.30.201.168	15-Apr-04/7:28 AM
Your first stanza sounds almost bearable with some indefinite articles (2) and punctuation between the first line and second. The pain/same rhyme is a little obvious; the line breaks don't hide it at all. And, incidentally, the expression is "one and the same." "One in the same" works, of course, but it strikes me as guffish, while one and the same has almost precisely the same subtext if you think about it. Though in/skin is an overdone rhyme, I'd line-break after in, anyway, rather than try to bury it. It works for me here - unlike eyes/dry, which need to be replaced with two completely different words. "Those three words you said..." is overstated, unnecessary, and ellipsesed, which I'm growing to loathe as I approach my 2,000th (!) vote. Cheesy and own-horn-tooting as it sounds, my advice would be to replace that line with an almost-neutral image like the ones in my gufftuous explosion of pimply angst "Something's Gone Wrong". Bed & head are obvious choices. Last lines are great Frost. I mean, I don't think they're too obviously Frosty Frost, though everyone else might. The important thing is you've dropped the ADJ-NOUN title kick and used almost natural language here, and with a few changes this could be my second-favorite of your posts. -9- By the way, everything I've posted this morning before this message was pre-my first coffee. Could you tell?
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 152.30.201.168	15-Apr-04/8:14 AM
"of shopping malls" is better. "if only for a moment longer" should be dropped.
Re: The Price You Pay by Fear of Garbage	zodiac 152.30.201.168	15-Apr-04/8:15 AM
I never have any idea what you're talking about.
regarding some deleted poem...	tadpole 4.228.78.84	15-Apr-04/9:15 AM
maybe there is no perfect one. . .
Re: On A Cliff by colndodg	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	15-Apr-04/10:11 AM
Why do you pray for rain while standing on a cliff? What does stanza 2 have to do with stanza 1? Still, some good images here.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	15-Apr-04/10:16 AM
I can only wonder why the fault is yours alone. It seems some clue is in order. Aparently you are in a wheelchair, but maybe enfeebled in some other way. I guess I'm just simple enough to like a little more information.
regarding some deleted poem...	wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 195.157.153.253	15-Apr-04/10:19 AM
Comment vous appelez-vous? Quel âge avez-vous? Est-ce que vous pouvez commencer tout de suite? Est-ce que vous savez conduire? Est-ce que vous avez de l'expérience? Quels jours est-ce que vous pouvez travailler?
Re: The Price You Pay by Fear of Garbage	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	15-Apr-04/10:26 AM
I usually take this kind of thing too literally, but I see a horse here on her breath. But then how did you pick her up. Maybe a dog. Yes, it must be a loved dog. Yet, there's something more here about the physical state of our being winning out in the end.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	15-Apr-04/10:32 AM
I think you plagairized this from the City Code.
regarding some deleted poem...	Fear of Garbage 156.63.85.17	15-Apr-04/10:35 AM
The rhymes here are for the most part very gentle and graceful. Very nice.
Re: The Idea of Fusion at the Beach (After Wallace Stevens) by coffeespoons	Fear of Garbage 156.63.85.17	15-Apr-04/10:37 AM
Haunting and arresting. Great first line.