thepinkbunnyofdoom
on some deleted poem
14 Jul 2003, 9:29 AM
Very cryptic, but you tie it all in together very nicely. -9-
Vague poem, I like the second line alot. -8-
Drab. Very Drab.
This is really good! Two out of ten!
Such a true observation of optical illusions.
Excellent piece.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
13 Jul 2003, 10:27 PM
What is it exactly? 6.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
13 Jul 2003, 10:29 PM
Tiny bit ordinary, but still cute. 7.
I can tell by your uncompromising style and shocking use of special drug-words like "inject", "smoke", "need" and "desperate" that you know a great deal about drug addiction. I really enjoyed your poeme. It's so nice to see someone who has actually been through the horribly stained nightmare of drug abuse still having the courage to write so candidly about the issue. Ten out of ten. You deserve it! Keep it up!
GGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRBBBBBBBBBAA
yes nicely put together
I wish people wouldn't flash about words like insane. Writers are supposed to preserve language not demean it
lots of non-sequitors on poemranker like 'give you my breath' the follow up about 'take it at midnight' made my day.
Good poem, tight
lucid, but a bit saccharin and I cringed imagining you saying it to someone
not bad though
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I think that was the effect you were going for
kind of soothing
third verse is the best, a pleasant read
I like the last stanza -'mundane hours by the bushel' is great - this is unusually abstract and philosophical (but given stanza 2 maybe that's the point) - very interesting
Thank you for your comments on my poems. You're very kind and I'm glad you liked them 'cos they were the last flwoering of a creative spurt that's dried up a bit - I'm hoping more will come. If some damn fool publisher ever decides to make a book of mine, I'll send you a copy. Don't hold your breath though...
like butter...excellent!
Feel Special.
I'm gonna take some time and offer you some very useful advice, and critism.
Lots of emotion, but any kid whose been dumpt by a whore for one of his friends could write this almost the same way. I like how you just left in one blob, Takes it from the sappy cheese eating high school boy mentality. No Capital letters? Most of this should have been in caps to add a screaming effect to the anger thats running like a raging waterfall thru this poem. Now then the rest of your writing style I'm make comments on when I see something else you've written.
As for what your writing about.. I want you to pay close attention. Avoid writing about LOVE, in any of its forms its been done to death and the corpse is mutilated by children who have no clue what they are doing. Avoid writing about suicide. Cause unless its funnier than shit, you'll be blessed with alot of fucking zeros, more than likey one from me. Now then those are two of the major things to avoid. After reading some of richa, god'swife, and some Mr. Pig, I think you might be ready for some love poetry. For anything involving death, read Caducus. For humor in its finest form read some Horus8, -=Dark_Angel=-, and if you're not easy to offend Settle. Those are very good places to find the elements to being a semi-decent poet.
As a title I'd go with Another Stupid Whore.
Just trying to be helpful and offer some advice,
'_'
thepinkbunnyofdoom
a blip of emotion..extend.