Bill Z Bub
on some deleted poem
21 Jan 2003, 7:37 AM
Mmmmmm.
cute.
Robert K Foster
on Dear Mr. Poetry, could you hold my purse? <how does babbit do it> by horus8
21 Jan 2003, 7:36 AM
except for the shouting, i like this. I think the "!"s could go.
Seen from the victims perspective you have written of isolation and image prejudice well, however I wanted the key but only got the keyhole let the reader inside you and roam those ghettos. **7.
Thanks for taking the time for reading my stuff.
Let the wild horses run
I like this. Very original and good rhythm. The form is different, using 6 lines per stanza and a couplet rhyme scheme.
Interesting piece and deserves a high number.
A bit too mawkish for my taste but I am sure some will like it. Also, too many cliches like:
your radiant beauty....
melt with only your smile....
dark sea of turmoil....
gaze upon your beauty....
etc...etc.
For God's sake, man -- no matter how admirable the sentiment may be, even as rhetoric this is godawful
Like the end! Nice work, perhaps you could do another version of this and bring out the surreality (just for lil old me!) because I'd love to see more images-check out my 'Am I Still Here' if you want.
Yes anyway, a good poem here's a nine.
Closer to prose than poetry but that is fine in free verse. It progresses nicely and I liked the tone and rhythm which is quite irregular but reads well. I especially liked the ending.
tea tree shampoo? or something a little more violet?
The title is better than the body. But I do like the title.
The poem is quite good. However, get off your damn guilt trip about the fact that we heved and fought our way to the top of the pile. Do you really think that is the sabre-toothed tiger had come to take over the world instead of us, they'd really try and treat us well? Dammit, they lost. And we won. Too bad for them. Now serve me my steak -- rare, please.
First verse doesn't seem to fit with the feel of the rest of this one. Take it out and turn it into a new poem 'cause it's great (well I really like it!).
I'm not sure what to vote this, I'll have another read and think about it.
Poem=good!
Marvellous...just marvellous.
fookin hippys if u really loved tree u should chop em down take em home and give em a cuddle
Bonza!
Very springy.