strider1
on some deleted poem
9 Oct 2002, 11:57 AM
I agree with netwined, too many maybe's here-5/10
Very good. 8. The poem has a powerful rhythm and is very evocative.
When Kubla Khan.....An epic that merits an epic score-0/10
Anne Sexton you aint, goddess of poetry.
life-typo
You've got a great name, Reuben Spiteri; almost as good as mine. Unfortunately, this poem is far from great. 2. There is nothing here to stir any kind of emotion in me. Bland as bland can be.
These "ands" are doing my head in, sorry lapsed into the vernacular-unforgivable-lashings of apologies. Which old river ? IS it her subconscious you get off on ?
Does she know you try to write poetry ?
I liked this initially, but I think only due to the humourous repetition of 'bum'. By the third reading, it grates a little. 4.
Trouble is you are just a tick and tock poet tart. This made me think for the first time today. Is this idiot for real or is he trying to say something a little bit deep. I think I get it-he's lonely and he wants to make a joke of it and make himself feel better-its cathartic-so as I am not an unreasonable bastard-8/10. Try again when you have a life pal.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
By the way, just because a line has ended does not mean it requires a comma.
something tells me the hawk isn't in pain but is announcing to his buddies that you're going to be dinner. you have "the" twice in the second stanza.
I want to like this, I like the bitter tone, having left the house and NOW its got laughter-I mean what about me ! Laughing almost strained-are you telling us you our hero did not witness laughter or strained laughter ?-make your mind up , this ambivalent interpretability almost negates your message ? And then you further confound your felony by adding " how it all comes so easy "-answer - it doesn't -its STRAINED. So you tell me what are you saying. Overall it had a good feel to it-probably worth around 6/10 on the Werther benchmark of poets scale-level two.
This is better. Would you the undulation of one wave, its trick to me transfer, or breathe one breath of yours upon my verse,
And leave its odor there.
I think you would-8/10
Shades of Wordsworth here, glittering and glinting so close together give me a bit of a problem. Armour-are you American trying to be English or just using the correct spellig ? This deserves to be here-well done -9/10
Whilst mother copulated with the stray dogs no doubt, using her grecian urn as a receiver-you can do batter(sic) than this-3/10
Highly pretentious. 2. You fail to engage me at all, and I would personally welcome it if you too went 'headlong into this deep dark pit' that you mention and never emerge again. Also, for an individual so obsessed with commas, surely you know that 'deep dark pit' should be 'deep, dark pit' due to the placement of two adjectives side by side?