Brandy_n_Cali
on NO TIME!! by Brandy_n_Cali
27 Aug 2004, 9:35 PM
COME ON PEOPLE GIVE ME SOME FEED BACK ON THIS ONE PLEASE!!!!!!
NICE!!
WOW!! I REALLLLY LIKE THIS!!!! GREAT JOB
YOU HAD SO MANY UNCONNECTED THINGS THAT MADE IT GRABBY!!!
wilco
on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer
27 Aug 2004, 8:18 PM
A bit wordy for my taste, but still not too shabby.
As I said: Not your best, but still one of the top 5 I've read today (Excluding the Dylan Thomas).
As usual, good job.
Ok, I'm reading his as someone questioning their faith. That may not be what you're trying to convey, but that's how I read it. It is funny how the Christian fith is so gloomy and dark in nature. I don't understand why it has to have all these depressing icons to build up a point about eternal happiness.
Anyway, I think this is a good construcion of te idea: "Searching for the strength to die, without somewhere to go." It's a scary thought that when you die it's all over. That's why religion is important: It gives us a reason to live AND a reason to die.
I agree that the title is a bit too blatant. I thought about calling it R.E.M., but that seemed wrong for obvious reasons. If you can think of something I'd love to hear it. That one line doesn't seem to read awkwardly to me...maybe it's my southern..ness. I don't know. Either way, I'll play with it and see about a revamped version.I'll think on the title too. Thanks.
agree. not bad, not good. though perhaps you've spoiled me now on other poems of yours.
I like it except for the one syllable of "Yeah" towards the end. Well, maybe the last three lines are a bit off for me. I think it works better without, though the tie-back to buffalo is nice.
you can. you can walk forever.
evocative.
hilarious. :)
nice. -10-
I really like the flow of this. Bits meander too much for me, but I like it.
I like it, though I do not get the _need_, which seems important to the piece as a whole.
mmhmm.
I’m appalled that my raven, with his physical adversity, and his noble rising above the common crowd of ravens, did not inspire the same admiration we bestow on certain Olympic athletes who, in spite of injury, disease and economic poverty rise to glory.
still not getting a coherent moment/story/thing. but thanks. :)